Okay...we'll start with yesterday. Stacie, my kindred soul...she sent me a 'keep busy' bag. Had a deck of cards, puzzle, maze game, old maid cards, candy, stationary..so much stuff (in an Earnhardt Jr bag, no less-that had to hurt the Stewart fan..LOL). She's been such a doll-she's experience numerous losses (I hope she doesn't mind me posting that)...so she's one I can talk to (or not talk at all) and she 'gets it'. Not the common bond someone likes to have-but nice to know you're not alone. Stacie is co-owner of a few stores as well as an online store. She has created a scent in memory of Marissa. She has made tarts, candles, soaps, bath salts, lotion, and body spray all in this scent named 'Angelbaby Marissa'. Mixture of baby powder, honeysuckle, touch of vanilla. She says it smells heavenly-I trust her judgement completely. I 'rep' for her store, but only cuz I 'rep' for her-she's a wonderful person. I can't wait til the scent comes out. It's going to be the 'scent of the month'. She's sending a gift package so I can smell it, as well as samples for Alex and I's mom's. What a doll...if you read this, I love ya, woman-thank you..for everything.
Throw in there a wonderful night w/ my sweetie-I love you, Alex. I'll leave it at that *smile*.
Another throw in for today: Prince finally get snipped, thank God...the dog can live.
Today-whewwww today. It's been a kleenex-day, but in a good way...so to speak, anyway. I should mention first I got a card in the mail from Gretchen. Gretchen and I co-hosted an online babyshower from an email loop-had major falling out (I do think we agreed to just blame this shyt on hormones...LOL), caused falling out with Jenn, in turn...eh, hard to explain all this. Just goes to show that the words on this screen have impact, tho...now more then ever, tho...(oh keep going, this only gets better..LOL). So the Gretchen-letter...very much a shock to me, but it was a very nice letter. Followed by a very nice IM later on, and then today. Today, I got a card from Gretchen. Enclosed were the names of several ladies (I don't want to put s/n's, but y'all knowwho you are) who contributed to a 'package' that they hoped would comfort me. I had no idea what that meant, but the card comforted me a great deal. Well...this afternoon, I got the package. I opened it, and pulled out a tube of super glue. I thought..well ok, must be some freebie thing I applied for and forgot. Was about to put the box down, then saw something else in there. It was a small giftbox for jewelry. I opened it and there was something wrapped up in a piece of paper (yes, I'm dragging this out..building up to it...). I slowly unwrapped it and my eyes caught glimpse of a name etched into a beautiful gold cross: Marissa. I picked it up, turned it over..the year etched into my soul, 2005. It's a crematory cross. It's to hold a small bit of our daughter's ashes, so that I can hold them close to my heart.Large Cross Keepsake - Silver or Gold This is a picture of one, tho the one I got is gold. Her name is etched on there-it's so pretty. I broke down-but with tears of..I guess shock, more then anything...shock that someone (quite a few someones) would do this for me. I sent a really loooooong kleenex-required email to them, and the responses have touched my heart. I saved them. I'm going to print all of these emails out (I have so many from since everything was originally posted a few weeks ago to now) and put them in her memory book. That's a project for a rainy-day far down the road-but one I will eventually be able to do. Right now-the porcelain angel face (another gift from an online friend) hangs on the nursery door. I can't explain how I feel more then I do in this darn thing (heaven forbid I leave AOL, I'll have to print this whole thing first so I can continue..LOL). For some, it's a window into my soul..to try to get some sense of understanding as to the depth of this unbearable pain. For others, it's like reading their own thoughts and fears. Whichever, it helps me. And if it helps you (whoever you all are that are reading this), that helps me even more. And it keeps Marissa's memory alive. Some don't understand why I need this so badly-her memory remaining, I mean. Some do. That's not one I can explain other then to say she is our child. I have keepsakes of my living child, I have to have them for Marissa, too. A new baby will not replace her-that's impossible to do. He/she will just fill this emptiness in my arms, and hopefully help heal some of this hole in my heart. *Hugs and prayers* to my family and friends..online, offline, and up there with Marissa.
1 comment:
Your beautiful angel, Marissa has touched the souls of more people than you ever could have imagined. Her short life has has taught me more about appreciation and patience than even my own children, and for this, I will always be grateful.
Though you feel as if everyone wants to forget Marissa, please know that we will love her and have made a place for her in our hearts.
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