Empty

Just a little update.  We took Kait to the doc about her foot last Friday-said to 'shave it off'.  We'll see if she'll let me close enough to her to do that-like giving a cat a bath. I also stopped and applied to a small vet clinic for a receptionist/vet tech position, which I got and started yesterday.  Neat position-2 days a week working up front, and assisting the vet in various aspects.  They did me a huge favor and 'altered' my job description, putting that I can't do X-rays or assist in surgery (I can watch and help setup, just can't do the gas and such), since we're trying for another baby.  This is 'the peak time', so I'm crossing fingers...be nice if it happened right off the bat.  But, I have to accept it will happen when it's meant to happen.

I've had this really 'empty' feeling today...hard to explain, but very unpleasant, to say the least.  I feel like crying like every 5 seconds the last couple of days-thankfully, been able to control that.

Niki lost her baby.  I feel horrible, especially since I was so envious of her to be begin with (yet so happy at the same time..kind of like with Kim-who's doing well, thank God). 

I promised a mushy entry soon, too...I haven't forgotten, just have to be in the right frame of mind to do it. 

Alex and I leave Friday for our little getaway-and I can't wait.  It's nothing spectacular-staying overnight in Orlando, probably go to a Predators game, maybe a theme park Saturday, dunno yet.  The great part is being alone with Alex-atleast for a couple days of uninterupted 'us' time, that we haven't gotten since Marissa died. 

Had to add a mood-balancing med to Kait's regimen today.  He warned me of the side effects (which he says he's never seen happen), but damn it...why does MY kid have to take this shit?  My baby...my daughter.  It's not fair.  He says she'll most likely grow out of the ADHD, but she'll never outgrow the Bipolar.  This scares me so bad I can't even put it into words.  I worry so much about her growing older-getting into those horrid teen years we've all experienced.  I just keep remembering about how high the suicide rate among depressed teens is...lovely thought, I know...I can't help it-she's my baby.

Enough of that...that's a personal turmoil I have to learn to live with and prevent as much as I can and just pray to God that He doesn't take her, too.  I couldn't live if something happened to her...that, I can say for certain.