Why am I scared?

I didn't expect him, of all people, to ask me why I'm scared.  Why am I acting 'like this' when I never acted this way when pregnant before.  I asked him if he had been with me the last year during the death of our daughter and a miscarriage shortly thereafter.  Of course he was...physically.  I thought he'd be the only person I could talk to about this...and not have to explain the 'why'.  The only person who I could cry to and he'd put his arms around me and tell me he loves me-and it'll be ok.  I can't explain the 'why'.  I shouldn't have to explain the 'why'.  I'm so scared at what the doctor will say tomorrow.  It seems whenever I see him, he's telling me my babies have no heartbeats.  I don't want Kaitlynne there just in case that is what happens...she was there when they told me about Marissa-and I wish she hadn't been.  I hadn't planned on going alone...don't want to go alone, but it's looking like I will be anyway.  Showing any sort of emotion has gotten me in the doghouse again.  I can't win.  Try being terrorified and having an extra few surges of hormones running thru you.  Doesn't matter.  I had planned a birthday lunch just the two of us...and to go see the doc hand-in-hand.  Looks like I needed a reality check-and I got one.