One of those days..

I stayed up to wait for Alex last night, then when he got home we talked for a couple hours...finally fell asleep around 3am, I guess.  I had to get up early cuz Kait had speech today (and tomorrow..and yes, my dumbarse is still awake..lol).  Went there, stopped and saw Scott and Pete at the hotel they were working at, then came home.  Kait and I came in to do schoolwork, and I decided just to 'test' her (sort of) to see how she'd do with other multiplication.  I gave her problems using 1-9 (I've only taught her up to 3, but I gave her method).  I have to say, I am SO proud of her!  Out of 24 problems, she only missed 6 (and they were just simple addition errors)!  She just used the method I've given her for the other ones!  :*)  It's so amazing to see progress..and know that I had a part in a little mind learning it.  I've had so many doubts about the homeschooling, but one mom said to me, "YOU taught her to walk, YOU taught her to talk, YOU taught her to get dressed and tie her shoes...who better to teach her the rest?".  She's right...how can I find 2x2 daunting, when I taught a human being to walk and talk!  It's exciting, to say the least.

However, on the other end of the spectrum...I'm so nervous about the baby.  I have all the symptoms...but I'm just so nervous that it's all in my head.  Baby has passed away or something and I don't know.  It isn't fair!  I see other women (and girls) walking around so carefree, talking of buying baby items when they're just mere weeks along (I'm terrorified to buy anything more than what we have stored for fear of jinxing)...they're so excited, enjoying every moment.  I do thank God that I did have one of those *uneventful* pregnancies with my first.  Atleast I did get to enjoy it all, and have a healthy baby in the end.  I enjoyed Marissa's pregnancy as well, until the very end.  It's so scary, and I have no way of voicing it.  So much has gone on lately, that emotionally, I feel like I've been hit by a train.  I'm trying hard to keep it together, but it's so hard..I just want to curl into a ball and cry until I see the light again.  Yes, I'm sure it's partially hormones..I know it is.  But the fear-that's very real.  The emotional pain-very real.

That's enough for tonight...I really need to go lay down.  One last comment...results from Eddie Guerrero's autopsy were announced by his wife:  negative for drugs; his heart failed him due to damage done from the previous years of abuse.  So, to those who called yourself fans yet said trash such as needles were found in his room, or in his arm...rot in hell.  They have no reason to lie about how he died--his past drug and alcohol use was an open book.  Shame on you for trashing the memory of a man who worked hard to turn himself around.  Your slate's clean, big man...crank up the latino heat.