*Workin' 9-5*

Why bother reading my journal if you are going to make shit up anyway?  I've read some pretty pathetic attempts at dishonoring Alex and I's wonderful relationship.   Honestly..some of you nutjobs have way too much time on your hands...tho I give ya points for creativity @@.

Annnnnyway, went back to work today and everyone was wonderful.  I got there super-early hoping to get ahead on the computer time I missed, but you'd think these people worked bankers-hours (haha)--no one got there til just after 8.  I got right up there, busted butt, and got it all done...all 3 days + worth I had left (thank God).  Tomorrow is security classes, then 5 more days of training at the branch, then I'm finally on my parttime schedule.  They gave me all my 'goodies' from Teller Week that I had missed being at the other branch-nice stuff, company seems to have improved since I worked there before-the attitudes of the higherups is so much more understanding.  Again, tho, everyone was wonderful...all felt bad cuz my arms look so bad.  My leg has been really sore, and I figured it was from tensing up when they put the IV in-one gal told me to watch for blood clots, tho.  The thought had crossed my mind before, but made me wonder more after that.  It's suddenly not hurting in the last half hour...I told Alex if I keel over, to tell the paramedics that's what it was.  Anywho, if it's still bothering me, I'll stop in at the doc's office tomorrow after work.

I wanted to thank all those genuine folks out there for the well-wishes and condolences.  It was hard the first couple of days, then just terrorifying the couple days after that leading up to the DNC, but I'm slowing getting back on track.  I won't say this was easy-it sure as hell was not-but it wasn't as hard as losing Marissa.  If anything, it was mainly hard for bringing up those feelings again.  I see the doc in a couple weeks to get cleared, but Alex and I won't be 'actively' trying...won't be actively 'preventing' either...just going to let it happen.  Doc said before that having had the DNC should make the next pregnancy that much stronger-everything is clean (sounds bad, I know).  The job is going well, Kaitlynne is having better days (she's out of her 'snob' stage and back to cuddling on my lap..is there anything better than that feeling?), Alex and I are in such a wonderful place together...over a year I've been with him, and still get excited seeing him after work.  There's still a hole in my heart that can never be filled...but it continues to become just the slightest bit easier to handle on a daily basis.   I know I've had rollercoaster rides saying how hard it has been having my offline friends push me aside because they don't know what to say..and that truly has hurt, tho I can't say I'd know how I'd act if the roles were reversed.  However, my online friends...so much more then words on a screen.  You have been wonderful...and I know I've made some absolute friends-for-life.  I'd name you all, but I can't..you know who you are.  A gal that I've become close to thru this tragedy wrote a poem in honor of Marissa..it's so beautiful, I cry just looking at it.  In a good way, tho.  Someone who has never *met* me could write something so profoundly touching about a child that never opened her beautiful eyes...Thank you, Amber. 

Enough for now.  It's been a rough day (emotionally), but there's all hopes tomorrow will be better.  One can hope they can all only get better...for all of us (even the nutjobs).