I give up...it's never-ending...

Everytime I think things are going good...I get knocked on my ass again.  Things that I specifically ask NOT to be done, get done.  "Yep, that should hurt her-it did last time...let's go with what works, then".  It's not fair.  I'm doing everything I know how to do.  Everytime, I try even harder to stop it.  It doesn't matter what I do...I can't stop it.  It's headed down a dead-end road.  Why?  I thought after everything that's happened in my life...this...this was my prize for making it thru.  I concede, I guess.  I feel so low...so ridiculously stupid...so completely unattractive in every way.  No matter how many times I hear 'It doesn't matter', I know it does.  I guess he was jealous of what I told him she was doing with others.  So he had to go make ammends.  "She's a psycho gold digger looking for a father for her kids."  I guess that's what's appealing.  I'm tired of having my feelings tossed aside.  I give all, and it's never enough.  Always wanting more.  Slowly destroying the best thing that has ever happened to me, atleast.  Again..why?  Everytime the door closes, I know.  I always know.  I guess I am a pathetic piece of shit, too.  Larry always said no one would want anything to do with me...that I was an idiot...I let others walk all over me so they can do whatever they want.  I'm sure there are a few of that will just get a good smile and laugh from this entry...some of you that even come across as my 'friend', or atleast try to.  So be it.  Laugh away, all of you.  I'm glad I could provide the entertainment.