One year ago today, your kicks stopped coming-
And I didn't know.
One year ago today, your arms stopped swinging-
And I didn't know.
One year ago today, your heart stopped beating-
And I didn't know.
One year ago today, you went to sleep-never to wake again-
And I didn't know.
One year ago today, I touched my belly in excitement because in 5 short days, I'd have my beautiful baby girl in my arms-
All because I didn't know.
I'm so sorry I didn't know...that I couldn't do anything. I went about my day like normal, I was so sure I had felt you move. The doctors told me you wouldn't as much since you were getting to be such a big girl, you were running out of room. But I still didn't know. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for that. It took me nearly a day and a half to know my baby girl was gone...a mother is supposed to protect their children...a mother is supposed to KNOW. Until I see you again, Marissa, please know that I love you, and I wanted you here with us so badly...I still want you here. One more milestone (the doctor who fought so hard to give me what I needed took you from my body in 2 days it will be 1 year), and I've made it 1 whole year without you. It feels like yesterday. Daddy wanted to get into the closet where all of your belongings are...to organize for your little brother/sister. I just couldn't do it. I'm so afraid to set up the room (and myself) again. I know you're holding this little one close to you, just like I held you close to me. I miss you, babygirl.
Thank you to my friends who have sent cards/emails. A special Happy Birthday to Angelina...and a thank you to her for being my babygirl's buddy :*) Thank you to her mom for sharing her birth story with me, and every memory since.
5 comments:
Becky,
I looked for an eCard throughout the day yesterday and couldn't find one that fit.
I looked for the words in my heart that would be the *right ones* to say, but couldn't find those either.
I know there's nothing I could say that would bring your Baby Girl back to you. And I know there's nothing I could say that would take the hurt away from you. God knows, I've tried both.
But I want you to know that I'm thinking of you and your Angel Marissa today. I want you to know that I'm praying that today is as Gentle on you as is possible. And I'm praying that Marissa, with the strength she's used to touch so many lives since becoming an Angel Baby, finds a way to show you she's here with you. Keep your eyes open. I'm sure she's trying.
I know that this is probably next to impossible to do today - but don't forget to smile for her.
She loves you, Becky!
With that, I'm going to close. Again, you're in my thoughts and prayers always, but especially today.
Always,
Amber
I'm thinking of you today Becky and your precious Marissa. Lots of thoughts and hugs being sent your way {{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}
Melissa
I have been thinking of you for the past week a whole lot more than usual. KNowing there is nothing I can say that will ease your pain. NOthing I can do to make it easier. Much love and prayers for you! HUGS!
Becky muh heart is with you today, I kno tha there are no words tha could make this day any easier for u and I'm sorry. Jus kno tha I care about u and I'm here for u when u need me!
((((Becky))))) I don't know what to say, just know that I think about you and Marissa a lot.
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