The lights are on, and someone is home-but the door is locked from the outside!

After much deliberating, I've decided to take myself off of the Zoloft.  I gave it a shot for 3 weeks, and what I've found is this:  I no longer having crying-bursts...I sit here thinking everything I was always thinking, but I can no longer *feel* anything about anything.  It keeps me *so* balanced that I don't get too happy, too sad, too anything.  I'm just *here*.  I feel trapped inside my own head...screaming to get out, but sitting here with almost a blank look on my face.  What cinched it was...well, without getting too graphic, I've noticed that my sex drive is greatly affected and I'm either unable to reach orgasm-or I have great difficulty getting there.  Alex and I have a wonderful relationship in EVERY aspect, and I'm not going to screw it up because I couldn't stop crying.  I'll figure out how to stop crying.  I don't want him to think it's his fault when that problem occurs-it's most definately not-never a complaint in that department.

On another note, something else that helped me make my decision about the Zoloft...when I heard this news..news that should have devastated me (in my mind it DID, but I couldn't FEEL it)...Candice (Tina's SIL) has lost her baby.  She was nearing her 6th month, had to deliver her baby today.  This is her 3rd stillborn child...I honestly can't imagine.  Anyone out there in cyberland who's reading tonight-say a little prayer for her, Brian, and their family tonight....so much pain and loss...

Things are going along well otherwise.  The hotel has reopened one building, so Alex is back at work.  Has the most horrid schedule, but just have to deal with it :(  Only good thing about it is he gets 3 days off now, instead of 2.  Right now, we share one day off.  But soon, we'll have 2 together again when his schedule takes a slight change.  Things at the bank are truckin' right along-I'm waiting to hear back about the transfer (the people at the branch I'm at now have been talking about changing the schedule soon-so I'm hoping to get out-soon).

Hopefully this weekend we'll be out looking at houses-we're hoping to buy this year and we've got to get on the ball here-our lease is up here in September (end of it, I think).  We're going to be moving back into town-but I'm picky about which school district.

I think I might have lost my digi-cam at Daytona-not sure, but I can't find it so far.  Total bummer, I had really good pics on there of the whole family at the beach.  I'm just hoping my brother grabbed it by mistake.

That's enough for me...time to ZzZzZz..atleast til Alex gets home.