Hurry up and wait

Well, after talking to a few people, I went to the head of human resources and explained the situation.  She said they definately don't want me to quit over something as simple to solve as a scheduling conflict.  So, she said she'd see about getting me back to the branch I trained at, or atleast at a branch that can work me when I'm willing to work, not closing every day.

Happy pills are doing something,  I guess.  I still feel miserable, but I don't cry as much.  So is that an improvement?  I don't really know.  I just don't understand what's happened..I *thought* I was doing so well.  I guess maybe losing Marissa, then having a m/c has all finally hit.  I keep getting emails from people I've either talked to and *helped*, or to people I've helped inadvertanly from the journal telling me to hang on...I'm trying.  I'm so desperately trying.  I can go thru the motions of a *normal* day, but at the end--I don't even want to say how I feel.  How am I supposed to throw a babyshower for my best friend?  What kind of friend does that make me that I don't think I can give a shower, or that I even want to be AT the shower?  I can't hardly talk to her on the phone.  She says she understands-she doesn't.  I don't, how could she?  I'm really trying to work up to being able to do this for her--she deserves it, it's not her fault that I'm losing it. 

On a happier note, Kaitlynne is doing well at her daycare.  They have it set up like a school classroom, do many different activities.  She always runs in hugging everyone-she's always been a hugger.  She seems happy with it, and learning along the way...I got very lucky that this daycare opened and we got in when we did.  We'll be putting Alex's daughter in there, too, when she comes down in a week.  I'm sure she'll like it, too...something different, not just hanging around the house getting in trouble like the last couple of times she's visited.  I swear, those two together is definately double-trouble!  But-they get along just like sisters-it's sweet (most of the time..lol).

Guess that's enough for now..we're trying to decide if we want to go do anything or not.  It's overcast and raining off and on here from the Tropical Storm.  Just didn't want to hang out in the house all weekend.

Prayers to the family of Natalee Holloway...nothing definate's been said, of course, but it's not heading in a *happy ending* direction.  I can only imagine how her mother feels...