My idea of what the 'tag' is??? I dunno....

Ok, Tina said something about being 'tagged', and from what I can gather, it's telling others 5 things about myself?  Ok....

1)  I collect pencils.  They MUST be unsharpened pencils...I have nearly 1,000 of them now (Tina has greatly contributed to the addiction).  I figure when we get our new home built, I'm going to glue them to the wall of the computer room..LOL.

2)  I have always pictured myself to be the mother of ATLEAST 3 children.  Alex probably would think otherwise (since he has other children), but he's going to make that vision come true!  *Love you, honey*

3)  My parents divorced when I was 7 (seperated when I was five).  I bounced back and forth between them (along w/ my brother, 5 years my senior), until finally my dad told me (under special circumstances) that he never wanted my mother to have me to begin with.  I left his home, never lived w/ him again.  I've seen him twice since then....and that was 17 years ago.

4)  I make jokes when I'm nervous, sometimes saying things that are ridiculously stupid...just the way I deal, I guess.

5)  Even with the loss of our daughter, I'm happier now then I've ever been in my life.  Tho when we lost her, I thought I'd never want to smile again...my family and friends made it possible to get up each day, until I realized slowly (and I'm still seeing) the blessings our daughter (as well as her big sister) have brought to me.

Ok, dunno if that's what I'm supposed to be doing...but that's what ya get.  Ok....uhm...I tag Sabrina now (you NEVER write in your journal, woman!!!).

Out with the Mouse, Praying for the new :)

We went to Chuck E Cheese's for Drew's party.  I felt SO crappy, but sucked it up and tried to be as pleasant as I could.  I stayed away from the babies as long as I could, but Kim had her hands full and Katherine grabbed Josh and was holding him in a not-so-stable position, so I grabbed him (kept his face going away from me, tho).  It was fun, her whole family was there, we stayed for about 4 hours.  After that, the 'plan' was to go seperate ways (Alex w/ Katie, me w/ Kaitlynne) for some alone time....we all went to the mall (found each other in the Toy store..lol).  After that, we did Walmart to get groceries (much needed) and medicine (crap is doing nothing *sniffle*).  Then, after buying all that food, we went to Denny's...lol.  I told Alex I was too danged tired to cook.  We came home, got stuff put away, got the girls showered, then went outside to do sparklers.  As soon as we started, his brother's family came over with their fireworks (grand).  I ignored them while they waited for Alex to get off the phone (he called his mom in England to wish her Happy New Years...also told her we are pregnant again-she's thrilled!), then we all went over and watched them do their fireworks.  I was happy to be done w/ it and come inside, tho.  Right now, Alex is sitting in here w/ the girls watching tv.  We're taking Katie home to Georgia tomorrow, so we have to get up early (gag).  Hopefully Monday I can get into the doc's office to get an antibiotic or something.  I have to try again to get ahold of Kaitlynne's dentist...for some reason, TWO of her teeth (molars) have cracked right in half with her not eating anything hard...and they aren't rotten or anything!  It's freaking me out, to say the least. 

I guess that's about it...I'm so tired!  Ugh!  Happy New Year to all....God willing, 2006 will be a MUCH better year....

Just a quick whine...

I'm sick.  I've been denying it for a day or so, but no denying it now.  Coughing, sneezing, stuffy, eyes watering, sinus pressure, headache...the works.  I'm just miserable because I'm sneezing so much, it's making my throat sore.  I took some Robitussin which made me tired for about 20 minutes, then nothing. 

Tomorrow is Drew's party at Chuck E Cheese, then we're splitting up for a little while...Alex/Katie, me/Kaitlynne.  Told mine if she was good we'd go see Cheaper By the Dozen 2...first one was cute.  Not sure what Alex and Katie are doing, but I'm sure they'll have fun.  I just hope I can find something safe to dope myself up with so we can have fun, too.

Sunday we take Katie home.  His ex said that since child support hadn't gone thru her account yet, she wouldn't meet us in the regular (already closer to her) half-way point.  Demanded we drive further.  She loves putting out the hoops...I loathe her, for much more then this, but for what she's slowing doing to this little girl...whole other story, too tired to get into it.

Not much else going on...I went looking back at some pics I had saved on my comp, and found one where I had taken a pic of one of Marissa's u/s pic-it looked identical to the one of jellybean here...I kind of smiled inside-like her way of telling me it's all going to be ok this time-she's taking good care of him/her.  BTW, up until this point (the ultrasound), I had kept my emotions so guarded.  I cared for myself physically, but refused to attend to the pregnancy *emotionally*, if that makes sense.  The more I look at the u/s pic, tho, the more in love I am...I can't help but love that little one...s/he is so cute!  God willing, we'll bring this one home for keeps...

For my honey...

I just wanted to say to Alex that I know things are stressful now (in so many different areas...unreal how it all unloads so quickly and at such a rough time anyway), but that I love you, no matter what.  You're my best friend, my lover & future husband, partner in crime...  Nothing and no one can change that...some will try (and have tried) and have failed miserably.  Things have happened to us in our short (yet wonderful) time together that would have torn many down and away from each other..our love is strong, as are we.  I love you, and thank you for being you.

Peek-a-boo!

 <Copied from an email sent out earlier..I'm feeling so crappy, think I'm getting sick...so I'm doing this the lazy way>

 

Ok...first let me say, we had the same witch that we had at the 6 week u/s..remember, she scared the hell out of me so bad??  She remembered me, too, and she did it AGAIN!  I asked her to turn the monitor just a hair, she said, "I'm trying to see if your baby has all it's organs, but if you want to see so bad, then I guess I'll just have to take the chance of not seeing anything...bad enough I can hardly see anything now because you're pretty heavy."  I was like.."WHAT?!  I'm that little one's mother and perhaps I would ALSO like to see if there's a heartrate, kidneys, etc.. And you know what, ultrasounds aren't FUN for me anymore...I'm scared to death, it's been a really rough year, and perhaps you should try talking to me a little gentler!"  I was bawling at that point.  Her tune totally changed, and she was actually pretty nice after that.  She went out of her way to point out each organ, showed me the heartrate (141bpm), took 3 pics (all pretty much the same pose).  She showed me what she thought could POSSIBLY be boy parts, but then said like 2 seconds later that the umbilical cord was also hanging between the legs so she couldn't say for sure anything...and not to go buy blue just yet.  I was just in shock!  I'm of course happy with ANY healthy little person, but I had just assumed girl because I'm carrying the same, feel exactly the same...  Anywho, I guess gender shall remain a mystery until next u/s (some of y'all remember how Alex didn't want to know with Marissa..he was pretty happy not knowing this time, too..LOL).    Stats:  Measuring 18 wks 2 days (so no change in dates);  weighing 8 oz, ALL organs accounted for, and thus far-doing really great :)  Above is a pic, baby is looking right at you, straight on :)

...and the rest.

I'm adding the rest of the pics from Christmas (visiting Alex's family, I didn't get pics at Tina's house tho I remember carrying my camera around?, and a couple of pics at Kim's mom's house).  Overall, it was a good Christmas-kids didn't act up nearly as badly, and I didn't have any further meltdowns the rest of the day.  I think it helped to have Kim's babies around..I usually just grab one and let them be my surrogate.

Kim and I went shopping with the babies the day after Christmas-didn't find much, tho.  Not that it was sold out, they just didn't have much left from before Christmas.  I got two packages of bulbs (cat's broke 6), and a few other little things that were on sale (perfumes, etc..).  We went to lunch after, then I called Alex and asked him to bring the girls to town w/ him when he went to work so I could pick them up then spent the rest of the evening out at Kim's house.  I know she appreciates the company (and help with the babies-the newness has worn off for Donald-he doesn't do much with them now), and I appreciate the distraction (for my mind, and for the girls).

Kaitlynne's having a lot of trouble getting along with children right now, and I'm not sure why, exactly.  Some of it's on her part, some on the other kids' part.  It's hard to watch your child get left to the side time and again...I know part of it is she is having some trouble (might have to adjust the med I just had adjusted) with her behaviors...I don't know.  My instinct is to protect her first and foremost...but it's not looking like I can.  Like today, after a big event, I kept her inside w/ me and played Candyland with her.  We played about 6 games when I told her I had to cook dinner.  She begged to go outside w/ the other kids...even after they were all so mean to her.  She desperately wants to play with the other kids, even if it means she gets her feelings hurt time and again...that just kills me.  I told her to go ahead, but not to come back in 5 minutes later.  As far as I know, it was uneventful outside.  Girls came back about 1/2 later, had to adjust a certain blonde's meanass attitude she got from her cousin, then they did ok.  Kaitlynne came out and watched tv w/ me, Katie played in her room watching tv. 

Alex and I have spoken about moving to town at the end of the year, but that pisses me off, too.  How dare they drive us away out here!  This is NOT their property, and neither are we.  I'm tired of the bitchy mother, nitpick ass father, and two meanspirited kids...and yep, that's Alex's family I'm talking about.  I hate saying that about his family, but I'm saying it as a neighbor to a neighbor more then anything.  I'm praying that his father gets our bigger home out here and then we'll fence it in.  Keep all others OUT. 

Tomorrow's Kaitlynne's speech appt, and then my ultrasound.  I'm terrorified.  The closer it gets, the more scared I get.  Tho I have no reason to think anything is wrong (pregnancy has been ok thus far), I have every reason to think something's wrong...I know, doesn't make much sense if you haven't been down the road I've been on.  I want to think that after hearing good news tomorrow, I'll be fine.  I doubt I'll be fine til this baby's born, grown, and I'm gone.  Kids..argh..gotta love em (since we're having 12, right honey?).

I guess that's all for now...might write more later...my mind's sort of jumbled right now.  Fighting hormones and kids...

So far...

We haven't left yet to go to all the places we have to go, so I'm relaxing for a few before we do.  We went to my brother's yesterday and had a really good time (they made mexican-my favorite).  We had mom with us, and Petey's brother and his family were there, we all opened gifts, played on the 4-wheelers of Petey's brother, etc...  Kids had a great time (still amazed that Santa knows where Ocklawaha is, too..lol), as did we.  Alex and I got a gift card to Olive Garden (with free babysitting) from my mom, a Gizmo (electric can-opener..I'm SO happy..LOL), and I got a bath set.  I feel like such an ass, on the way home I said something like, "The bath set smells good, but I don't have a bathtub to use it with" (ours is really small, and I'm not..lol).  Anyway, that was one of the gifts Alex got me this morning, too.  A really nice set, mostly for the shower tho.  I felt so bad, cuz he thought I wasn't going to like it.  I LOVE bath/shower stuff!  I don't know, I got really upset thinking I hurt his feelings.  I tried to explain that it doesn't matter if he wrapped up a pretty rock he found outside--no one before him ever put thought into getting me anything ever....and he battled Walmart 2 days ago for me!  I cried and cried, I just felt so bad...I'm close to crying now just thinking about it.  We cried together last night over Marissa...which, now that I've typed it, I'm crying again...  I think some of the tears this morning were for her...the proverbial 'empty spot'.  It's not fair.  Last Christmas I was annoyed at the girls' attitudes, but I was very pregnant, and knew we'd have another little gal sitting there-probably pitching a fit-next Christmas.  Guess I was wrong on that one...

Anyway, I got sidetracked..I'm having a really hard time today, much harder then I thought.  We did have fun at Scott and Petey's, tho.  We got them a flexi-lighter thing (they loved that), some apple-scented candles, and really cool margarita glasses.  We got mom slippers, a Jr. calendar, a tshirt with a babygirl angel on it, a Jr. notepad, and the book 'Chicken Soup for the Grandmother's Soul'.  She liked it all, spent a good deal of time looking at the calendar..lol.  I can't remember all what the girls got...Scott/Petey got them little bags that havebody glitter and lotion in them and a pack of necklaces each;  mom got them each little dollhouses w/ accessories, a pack of jewelry, coloring books...and a couple of other things I can't think of.  This morning, Santa brought them each a big art pack,  more coloring books and new crayons, socks/panties, Hello Kitty stuff, and stockings full of candy and lip glosses.  Alex got me, as I said, a beautiful bath set that came with a really pretty basket and a collectible tin (eeyore on it) of cookies.  I got him an electric shaver, FSU fuzzy dice, and one of those games you plug right into the tv and play (has football and hockey).  His brother came over earlier from next door and we exchanged our gifts.  I got 3 really pretty candles and a pack of little candy things.  Alex got Rollercoaster Tycoon (which I will be "sampling" later..LOL).  Girls each got cloth purses that had bubble baths in them..really cute.  They're using the purses to carry all their lipglosses.  We got them a pack of the apple candles, too, and got their kids a table-top air hockey table (plays 4-so they can all play).

Anywho...I'm kind of glad I stopped in here.  I needed to get it out about Marissa (I know, the day's far from over), and tell Alex yet again how much I love him, thank him for making Kaitlynne and I's Christmas's better then they ever have before, and, as he told me this morning, my gift comes every day of the year when I wake up with my best friend by my side.

I'll write again later or tomorrow.  Above are pics from Scott/Petey's yesterday.  God bless all, Merry Christmas.

***I just remembered something else.  Prince (my brother's dog) was neutered over a year ago.  We took Blackie over with us yesterday, and she (and their other dog, Lucky) is in heat!  Well, Prince should have no sex drive at all (he was castrated-sack is empty).  Well...he went after her all day and they got TIED TOGETHER!!!!!!  That is NOT supposed to happen!!!!!!  So we're all in shock, and now wondering if he's able to get her pregnant again...guess we'll know soon enough @@***

Baby's 1st Christmas

I'll update about Christmas Eve and tomorrow on another post.

To our angel, Marissa...you've been with me everyday...holding my hand, keeping me strong.  It's been hard to hold the tears in today, watching the kids play and laugh, opening gifts, giving hugs and kisses...  You should be here in more then spirit, and I'm fighting hard to remain positive.  I know you care for your little brother/sister up there with you...and cradle the little miracle in me in your ever-strong little arms.  As bad as my heart aches to know you...hold you...I thank you for the many wonderful people you brought to my life, and I thank you for letting me be your earthly mommy for 9 months, and your angel mommy forever.  You and I are both in good company...until we see you again, Merry 1st Christmas, our sweet angelgirl~~~with so much love:  Mommy, Daddy, Kaitlynne, & Katie.

Busch Gardens

We got to the park at 915a (opened at 930), so we got to park right up front.  We visited every dang thing, walked everywhere (our legs are still hurting today).  We got lucky and it seemed everytime we got to an animal exhibit it was feeding time, which was really cool to see.  The Haunted Mansion 3-D was a neat theatre show...one of those where the seats move, water comes out of the screen, etc...  There was this one part where it's supposed to be rats running lose, and air shoots out from under the chairs to feel like them running by..both of the girls about crapped themselves, it was hillarious.  The girls both agreed to go on the 'kiddie' coaster with Alex...Kaitlynne flat-out cried when she got off of it, Katie tried to be big and bad for daddy, but in the end-she wouldn't ride anything else either..lol.  Anywho, we had a great time...kids, for the most part, did very well.  We got back to Ocala and had dinner at Denny's then came home.  I got on here for a little bit, but crashed quick, I was so tired.  I usually can hold out until Alex is ready, but I didn't even hear him come to bed.

Above are pics from yesterday (I took 70, kept 54, but promise not to bore y'all with all of them):

1 & 2)  The monkey's on the monkey.

3)  Alex and the girls on the train (in the tunnel-they were sure something was about to happen).

4)  If you feel like enlarging this one, do it..it's so funny!  This is the 'after' pic from the kiddie-coaster.

5)  The girls on an airplane ride.

6)  This was cute, an elephant came out from rolling in the hay (literally), and another elephant chased after him and ate the hay off his back.

7)  The girls with Santa.

8)  My fav pic :)  Myself, Alex, Kaitlynne, and Katie in front of the flamingos. 

9)  This was funny, too.  Took a pic w/ a Clydesdale;  Alex and Kaitlynne were laughing because as soon as they got posed, the horse bent over to sniff Katie's hair..lol!

10)  Feeding time at the lion's den..he came right up to the glass by us to see his trainer walk by.

11)  Alex and the girls feeding the turtles.

12)  Mr. Croc came over to say hi, too.

 

Gracie Noelle

Ok, wanted to make sure it was ok to post the pics..lol.  Miranda had her little girl on Monday at 744am.  Gracie Noelle was 7lbs 8oz, 21 inches long.  Above are some pics:

1)   Miranda and her little one.

2)  Myself, my daughter, and Gracie.

3)  My daughter holding Gracie, Miranda's son Kristiaan standing next to her.

4 & 5)  Little Gracie Noelle :)

6)  Miranda holding Gracie while Kristiaan looks on.

We're headed off to GA tomorrow to get Katie.  Alex's schedule DID get changed!  No more 3am shifts!  Soooo happy! 

Baby's been moving like crazy tonight-not super strong yet, but I'm looking forward to them, even if they hurt!  Everyone keeps saying boy...Tina, Mom, Jen, few others from the boards.  I still say girl...we'll find out in a couple of weeks, I guess :)

Went to the dollar store today to get the last minute stocking stuffer things...people are so rude this time of year, it's unreal.  I'd rather battle them there, tho, then at Walmart...ugh.  Someone tapped me on the shoulder and I was about to go off thinking 'now what', but it was Kim.  Donald had all the kids so she could go get his gift w/out him being there (she tried to go earlier, but the babies were crying).

That's about all for tonight...kinda worn out, and not really much else to say.  I hope you feel better soon, Jen!!  *hugs*

So sleepy..but heart's a pumpin' strong :)

Just a quick entry.  Kaitlynne got up at 3am this morning and never went back to bed..and made sure we were all pretty much up with her-needless to say, we're all not happy campers.  She's asleep, I HAD to take a nap a little earlier, Alex and I are just relaxing now.  We're going to get Katie on Saturday, then Sunday we're going to my brother's for Mexican dinner, then Monday we're going to Busch Gardens (small glitch w/ the Disney plans, we figured this would be better in the long run anyway).  It's looking like hopefully Alex's other brother will be working graveyard shift at the hotel soon (probably just on the busy days, and hopefully starting tomorrow), so he won't have to do that crappy 3am shift.

Got our layaway the other day...lady asked if we had twin girls, I said no, just two 8 year olds between us (bought 2 of everything..lol).  Alex's dad called and wanted to know what the girls wanted.  Told him Bratz or Barbies-he said he wants to spend more $$ then that on them, gave the ideas HE had (I was like are you KIDDING me??..LOL).  It made the brothers' uncomfortable because their dad only does it once in awhile-I just go w/ the flow on it (learned that from dealing w/ my dad..never consistent)...it's the thought that counts.  He wants us all together for Christmas dinner, too, but one brother is saying he will absolutely NOT go because of one of the other brother's being there.  I know every family has their crap..but I just find it really sad that the crap can't be forgotten for one day...

For today...we took Kaitlynne to her speech appt, then to my doc appt.  Our OB had to leave at the last second to do a delivery (happens w/ him alot, part of the job..lol), so we had the option of staying and waiting for 45m-to an hour, or seeing his assistant.  We saw his assistant, since this was a quick routine visit anyway.  I haven't gained any further weight (tho I'm definately popping), bp was good, and the heartbeat was in the 140's!  Kaitlynne got to hear it this time, she was standing by Alex whispering, "Is that the heart?" over and over, was cute :)  I had the option to get the u/s early next week, or wait until the week after-I chose the week after, so 2 weeks from now (I'll be 18 weeks, and assuming little one cooperates, have a really good chance at seeing gender-tho mommy is saying girl..lol).

That's it for tonight, I'm sure I'm missing something, but my brain is foggy tonight... (no comment from the peanut gallery).

OMG!

Ok it's 12:53 now, just 1 minute ago, as I was saying my goodbye's and I love you's to Alex for him to come home, it happened....I FELT THE BABY!!!!  I had tiny flutters today and I wasn't sure if that's what it was...but sitting here it went BAM!  Like getting flicked on the belly from the inside!  Happened twice afterwards!  OMG-it's an amazing feeling every time, and I'm just about to bawl!!!!!  I was getting a little worried because I figured with my third child, I should be feeling it a little sooner.  Today is 16 weeks, right on the nose!  Alex was like 'go get your baby hearing thing' (baby beat from Target-sucks..LOL), I said I tried last night and nothing.  I have an OB appt tomorrow, so they'll listen.  So very cool!

On a side (very important) note...I got the ornament in the mail today from Gretchen.  The thing is big! About 6 inches long!  And just GORGEOUS!  I told Gretchen that the hair color on the ornament is EXACTLY the same color as Marissa's hair was!  It's on our tree, right next to the little angel we got for her, and underneath our mama angel :)  I'll have a pic tomorrow (hopefully my old camera can get a good pic).

*HUGS* to Gretchen for "listening" to me as I typed like a mad woman just now...I had to yell at her cuz the baby moved..LOL!!!!  I have more to tell about today, but this entry deserves to be as it is.

A quickie *smile*

Just a quick entry... Alex and I have a kid-free night, so we went to the dollar store w/ my brother (always a trip-only people I know who can spend 75 dollars at a store where everything's a dollar), then we went to Golden Corral for dinner, then walked around Wal-mart (they had FSU and Dale Jr baby outfits on clearance S0 CUTE, so I got them, and finished up a little Christmas shopping).

I wanted to share something w/ you all.  A good friend from the February '05 kids board got something for us last night, and I was just crying when I saw it.  She says she feels Marissa works thru her..and that this item was a gift from Marissa and herself.  It's just perfect!  ***HUGS Gretchen*** I still can't thank you enough, but I promise not to get all sappy on you again...lovun's!!!  The above picture is the item-it's an ornament, made of clay.  It's amazing...

Not much else to say for now, I guess.  My brother had planned that we would all spend Christmas weekend out there with him (cooking mexican food on the eve, and our turkey on the day), but now I'm not sure...we have to visit friends and some of Alex's family, too.  Have to figure this all out.  Can't think of much else to say for now, tho I'm sure there's more.  Until next time...

<Putting Santa's helper shoes on>

I hadn't updated in a few days because something happened (financially) that just threw us for a HUGE loop.  It was really looking like NO Christmas for our family this year, and I was so depressed.  Not that the girls need alot or are even asking for much, but we had really hoped to do our Disney trip.

So, Alex and I got to hounding the people that owed us money, and today I bypassed the JERK-off who had originally "helped" us, and went over his head to the girl he mentioned.  He had said it was her fault we didn't get out money yet.  So, I called her...she had no idea who I was or what I was talking about.  No big surprise there.  I explained to her that we had used our savings to get the truck, and this check that we were waiting for was our Christmas money.  She was VERY helpful, said she would go to JERK-off's office and find out paperwork and call me back.  She called back in 5 minutes, said she found it all and would have our check to us by the end of the week!  We're soooooooo relieved!!!!!!  So now we can breathe a sigh of relief and know that we're back on track again :)

We went to the Christmas parade last Saturday, and something happened this year that has never happened before.  Someone stole one of our spots we marked off.  I've NEVER had anyone mess with anything before.  These people were so brasen they MOVED our cone and caution tape over, and just parked there (like DUH, did they not think we'd park next to them???).  When we got there, some old lady was running OVER the cone to take our last spot!  We made her move, and I was SO angry at the dipshits next to us.  I thought at first I would have a few choice words for them, then decided I didn't want to ruin the parade for Kaitlynne, so when she wasn't looking, I took a full bottle of coke and a leftover glass of pepsi and dumped them both in their truckbed.  Mature?  No....  Did I feel better??  Damn skippy, especially when the dipshits DID show up and got ticked cuz they couldn't sit in the bed cuz it was sticky :)  Hormones, gotta love em.  Scott and Pete didn't show anyway (no big surprise).  They went and traded their last car (just got a Durango a month ago, and told us finally they put 4 grand down on it, and payments of 600/month) and got a new truck (2000 down, payments almost800/month!!!!).  They pissed me off, tho, cuz they harassed us to take over their car payment.  I told them over and over NO, we don't want another payment.  They got pissy.  They did show up and show us the truck at midnight, tho.  I could NOT get over the money part of it.  The payments for that, the durango, the house, the utility trailor...no way in HELL would I be happy about all that!!  I guess they got mad that I wasn't thrilled for them, cuz when I walked to get the mail today I saw 2 Burger King cups (they had eaten there that night), and a ton of cig butts at the end of the driveway.  Whatever...sheesh....  BTW, the parade was not as good this year...I like seeing the Clydesdales and the car clubs...neither this year.

Stayed in my pj's all day yesterday, and have the same planned for today :)  Cleaned house yesterday and put up out tree last night (cat's now sleep in the comp room and backporch at night cuz they try to undecorate the tree..lol).

Can't think of much else going on right now.  Might update more later if I think of anything :)