Ahhhhhhhh

We're moved!  Thank God that's over with...altho I didn't do most of the lifting (Alex, Scott, and Pete rocked), it still whupped my arse.  We still don't have our gas tank filled, tho, but thankfully have enough electric kitchen gadgets to cook (and our water heater is electric..tho I didn't find this out until AFTER I took a cold shower..LOL).  So far I have the kitchen pretty much done, computer/game room done, Kaitlynne's room done, our room and living room are halfway done, and that just leaves the screened in porch that has bags on it.  We have a table out there, too, and our extra fridge/freezer.  It's turning out really nice. 

I put my notice in to work yesterday.  After making the trip once (it's 44 miles ONE WAY, and took me 1 hour and 15 minutes-and that's mostly interstate), I just knew it wasn't going to work.  I asked around for a closer position, but nothing was open at the moment.  So, gave my notice and got a email from the head of Human Resources saying she'd let me know when the new branches in Gainesville opened up and they'd hire me back on.  So, for now, I'm going to get back into Ebay.  Used to do pretty well with that, will be happy with just a little extra play $$ for us.

We're trying to figure out a day to go to Halloween Horror Nights at Universal next month...we're definately going (Alex missed it last year cuz I was preggo-gotta take him this year..LOL), just dunno when.  Scott and Pete said they'd like to go, too, and I'm sure Nick will go.

Kaitlynne had her first day at her new school today.  She really enjoyed it, and I was happy with the people I met thus far.  School is pretty new, too.  Everyone made it sound like it was in a bad neighborhood and slummy, but it's not at all.  I set it up for her to take the bus in the morning (school is 13 miles away-and this way I know for sure she'll be on time to eat breakfast-or it's their fault, not mine..lol), and I pick her up in the afternoon.  I took the 'back way' home today from the directions the woman at the office gave me-seemed quite a bit quicker and I didn't get lost..woohooooo..now if I can just find a dadgum grocery store!  Probably be Walmart when I'm in town tomorrow..lol.

Kim has her appt today to find out if the doc is going to induce her this week (that's what she's begging for..babies are in position, she's 38 weeks, and they're both 7lbs + already!), so goin to call her in a lil bit.

Well, guess that's it for now...going to try and get some more unpacking done in a little while.  ~Toodles~

Out of sorts

Been feeling really out of sorts lately.  I guess I'll chalk it up to moving in a couple days-so much going on, always so much to do.  I'll be glad when it's done and we're settled.  Could be something else, but won't get my hopes up about that...easier to be letdown when you're already there.  Scott and Pete will be helping us move, thank goodness...alot of heavy stuff to get in and out.  Luckily Alex can get a UHaul free from work...that will save some money.

We'll be getting married soon.  Alex picked out an engagement ring and designed it, as well as our bands.  That makes it mean so much more than it already does.  Me, the person who said never again to marriage, can't wait to be his wife.  I'm a very lucky woman. 

Kait got her interim report today-did fairly well...could be better, but all is passing and an S in conduct (she must save all the N stuff for me..lol).  She's excited about the move-I'm a little worried about the new school, but just have to see how it goes.

Alex is off for the next 4 days, can't wait.  I have to work Friday, but he's getting the truck then and is going to start moving stuff while I'm working.  My mom is keeping Kaitlynne overnight so she doesn't get hurt while we're moving.  Last glitch is to get our gastank put in and filled, which is happening Saturday.  Everything was such a pain in the ass to get done, but will be so worth it once we're in and settled....I keep saying settled, I know, but we're in a major limbo stage right now which sucks.  Stressful.

Kim is still 2 cm dialated.  She had another u/s today, and the babies are measuring at 7lbs each...she said the doc is 'leaning' towards inducing next week (tho he originally said he didn't want to do that-but Kim insisted).  Guess we'll see what happens.  I'm not looking forward to going to the hospital.  That's actually putting it mildly...I know it bothers Alex, too.  Too many bad memories for us.  I hope I can be a good friend and go...have to see what happens on that end, too.  She's kind of distanced-herself as of late...I'm guessing because my attitude haschanged some now that it's getting close to time...I didn't mean for it too, but it's nearly impossible to show any kind of enthusiasm (even fake) for it all now.

I guess that's about it.  I haven't been sleeping too well, tho Alex did let me sleep in today...which was much needed..still feeling 'spaced-out' tho.  This, too, shall pass..or so they say.

Day late...

Today was my last day at the branch I've been working at.  After all the uncomfortable tension in the beginning, I actually got to *liking* the gals I worked with (for the most part anyway).  They had a little going-away party for me (Patrina cooked wings and fried chicken, Marcia got a cake, our mail courier made me his oh-so-yummy cheesecake) and they got me a card.  I was..surprised, actually.  In a good way, tho.  Hopefully the next branch will be just as comfortable to be in.  I know I did the right thing changing shifts, and tho I fought hard to get out of this branch in the beginning, I'll miss the gals there.  I think the shiftchange will be good for Kaitlynne, and me.  Was really hard on me not seeing Alex much at all during the week.  I guess it would be safe to say I cling to him, but I guess not in a bad way cuz he clings back.  I cherish every moment we do get together, tho they're few and far between at the moment.  Thankfully, all will change soon.  Kaitlynne needs it, most importantly.  I told her today that the schedule would mean more time for me to be home w/ her, she got a kick out of that.  I cut her hair yesterday and it just looks so precious, I love it..should have done it sooner (had to wait for a day she'd agree to it-she was growing it long).  It's a little bob, just under her ears..so cute.  I'll have to get a pic of it.

I turned in all the paperwork to the courthouse yesterday..should be getting my hearing date soon.  So excited, can't wait to get that part of my life far behind me and continue on with the future that I look forward to with Alex and Kaitlynne.  Altho losing our daughter in January has forever changed me..hardened my heart irrevocably..I'm still happy to be here...be with my family.  Some don't have what I have-and I used to be one of those people, forever hoping to have just this.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm not day-dreaming anymore...I really have a beautiful daughter, soon to be marrying my best friend who is everything to me that I ever wanted in a life-partner, a beautiful (paid for..woohoo) home waiting, food on the table, etc...  Was a long, hard journey to get to where I am today...I'm proud of myself for making that one huge decision and following thru with it so that I *could* have a better life for Kaitlynne and I.  Aside from my children, walking out that door was my greatest achievement.  That's not a dig at Larry, either...he wasn't the man I married at the time I left.  And I *grew up*.

I guess that's enough for now.  Alex promises me that we'll have the house packed up by the time the weekend is over...see how that goes..lol. 

One Step Closer to Forever...

I got my affidavit from the newspaper-it's been a quick 4 weeks.  I completed the online course required.  We're one step closer to forever, honey...I love you!

I found out something today about someone I thought I *knew*, that I cared about, who helped me thru a very hard time.  I care about this person a great deal and always will for what they did for me, but what I found out today..is disturbing, and depressing.  I'm...disappointed in the person.  I know why what was done, was done..but that doesn't make it any less wrong..so very wrong.  I wish this person the best, of course...happiness and health...just isn't the person I thought I knew, I guess.  Or the *want* was too great, did what they had to do..I don't know.  Probably never will, either. 

Head Explosion

Just don't write in this thing as much as I used to...maybe when the hours change at work, I'll find the want to do it..to do anything, really.  Packing, changing all our bills over, etc...such a hassle and it's looming overhead...BUT, I'm so thankful we have a home to be in now, and one to go to.  Poor people in the destruction path from the hurricane...I feel so badly for them.  Then the asshole looters are out-like people haven't lost enough, these 'people' are taking what's left.  There's a special place in hell for them, I guarantee it.  Alex gave ideas on what he wanted for my engagement ring and our wedding bands..we picked out what we want-it's beautiful, he did good...but I never doubted he would.  *I love you, honey*

Well, we didn't get pregnant last go-round.  I figure it's the stress of our schedules and everything going on.  Not a whole lot of time or energy for lovin' from either one of us as of late.  I obsessed last month, too...I was so upset when the hag showed, I was so sure I was...felt betrayed by my body yet again.  To top it off, I made that whole day complete by packing up the baby's room.  Everything had been left untouched for months...it hurt badly to pack it up.  To put our daughter's ashes wrapped so gently in a box...no one should have to do this, live w/ this kind of pain everyday...

All's quiet...

It's official, Alex's dad has bought the property.  7 acres in a smalltown outside where we are now.  His brother has already moved out, we'll be moving out in of September.  Be so nice to not have to pay any rent anymore...a place of our own.  We're planning the wedding for November 19th.  We're both excited, after all we've been thru, and sometimes still go thru, I know he's *the one*.  No one can touch what we have together;  I love him more every day, as does Kaitlynne.

I changed positions at work, so in 2 weeks I'll be working only Monday and Friday, making a little more money than I was parttime.  Only problem is I did this not knowing we were moving yet, so the place I'm going to be working is about on the other side of the world from where we're moving.  I guess it'll be ok for now, only 2 days a week.  Mom's keeping Kait after school on those days-hopefully she won't change her mind when we move...it's really not much further for her than where we live now.

I did go to my friend's babyshower, and went alone.  It was hard, won't lie...but not as hard as I thought it was.  When I knew I had to leave, I made my quick exit..period.  She also got a new house, I went out and saw it a few days ago...really nice, but pretty much had to do my quick exit after I got the detailed tour of the nursery.  She's 33 weeks now, tho, and all are well-and that's what's important.  They already talk to me about going to the hospital when she has them-and the thought makes me want to cry-I don't know if I can do it...we'll see.

Anyway, guess that's it for now.  I'm having a melancholy-sort of day...but it's early, hoping that will all change as the day progresses.

8 years ago today...

I gave birth to the most amazing little girl.  Kaitlynne is 8 years old, I can't hardly believe it.  We went to Denny's (her choice) with a couple friends and my mom...other friend's didn't come so neither did their kids, which really bummed Kaitlynne out (which pissed me off, but I kept the cool).  She ended up having a great time, we had a really wonderful server.  Kaitlynne passed out her birthday cake to us all (she gave me mine first cuz I was her mommy, she said), then passed it out to all the servers that came back to sing to her.

Happy Birthday my precious girl, may I always see that light in your eyes and smile on your beautiful face for many birthdays to come.  I love you!