It's funny how they all came out smelling like roses at the end of it all...and I came out the paranoid bitch...

Skankee Yankees

Police in riot gear on the field during a game of "America's past-time"...leave it to the yankee fans on this one.  I'll give them the whole John Rocker thing w/ the batteries..he was an idiot who shouldn't have spoken-period.  But c'mon now..ARod flat-out picked up his yellow-bellied hand and smacked that ball right outta the mit of Arroyo (thank you, Alex).  Skankee fans are just ticked cuz their team got caught doing what they do best...cheating.

Just talking..

Had 'the appointment' today..the ultrasound.  Daddy stayed in long enough to see the head, then left (is determined not to find out..and I'm determined not to be the one that slips..LOL).  So yes, needless to say, I found out what it was.  Not putting it here, cuz he reads it..LOL.  Baby is healthy and doing well, due date change to Feb. 26, 2005, my BP is doing its normal climb upwards and onwards...sucks.  Have to go take the 1 hour glucose test tomorrow or Friday..that crud they make you drink is DISGUSTING *gag*.

Also, I tried calling Kait's dad twice regarding the call I got about his lost checkbook.  His roommate finally tells me to leave a message cuz 'he doesn't think Larry wants to take my calls since he keeps leaving when I do call'...so I said 'tell the loser to take his drunk azz and retrace his steps to every bar in town and find his checkbook his dayum self then'.  Sucks..if that had been a call to tell him something about Kaitlynne, wouldn't matter to him..he won't even talk to her anymore.  She said something about him yesterday and referred to him as "Larry" not "Daddy"....*shrug* not like I'm discouraging this..I tried forever for him to be involved.  It's his damn loss.

<There is no subject>

I'm listening to my daughter's breathing as she's sleeping.  It's hard to imagine it's been over 7 yrs since I had her..she's growing up too quickly.  And now there's another baby coming...everyone's thrilled, including myself.  However, in the back of my mind I wonder how I'm going to make sure both kids know I love them equally.  It's been Kaitlynne and I for so long...I don't want the new baby to feel I don't love him/her the same, or for Kaitlynne to feel I don't love her as much.  I'm sure it will all work out..I always wanted more kids, I guess it's just still hard to believe it's actually happening.

Tomorrow is the ultrasound.  Only 'supposed' to bring 2 people with me, however, along with daddy and I, there will be Kaitlynne, my mom, and my friend.  Guess they'll have to take turns coming in....LOL.  Daddy doesn't want to find out the sex with us, so I know he (and Kaitlynne *repeater*) will be going out for that one, assuming baby cooperates.

Baby kicks up a storm now...every once in awhile it can be felt on the outside, but never seems to let daddy feel it (did once, not since then..just reaffirms my belief that it's a lil girl..LOL).  Still battling this sinus infection...this is week 6.  My doc wants me to go to see an Ear, Nose, & Throat specialist, but I have to wait for my primary doc to see me to refer me to this person.  I don't see her until December.  So...it's pretty much a hurry up and wait (and suffer) deal.  My blood pressure goes wacky..usually spikes at night (like right now)...then ok during the day.  Already on partial bedrest from the bleeding, which happens once in awhile still, but not as much as before.  I had the high BP with Kaitlynne, but otherwise, an 'uneventful' pregnancy....wierd how they are all different...

The latest cravings:  OJ (by the gallons), eggs, bologna/cheese sandwiches, beefsteak tomatoes, salads, subs.  I've gotten lucky with this pregnancy, too, as far as not craving sweets.  My booty is big enough w/out that...LOL.  I'm 22 weeks today, total weight gain is 16lbs.

"Jump thru the hoop"

Went to the doc today for this f'n sinus infection that's now been keeping me company for 5 weeks..and for the bp that jacks up when it dayum well feels like it....thanks to my wonderful insurance company, I get to sit..and suffer w/ the sinus for atleast 2 more months.  BP..well..that's an ongoing problem..but who gives a shit, right...this must be my punishment for screwing everything little damn thing up..I don't know how people around me survive as well as they do, knowing such an f'n idiot like myself.  Tired of being the punching bag...y'all having a bad day?  Did ya screw something up, perhaps, and don't feel like owning up to it yourself?  Well yanno what..TAKE YOUR SHIT ELSEWHERE..I don't give a flying flip anymore.  Been here, done it..got the f'n t-shirt and BURNED IT along w/ the 'me' that stood around and put up w/ this shit.

So tired...

Get up every day..take the kid to school..come back..sleep or sit and wait..for what, I don't know.  Eat lunch, go get kid from school, come back..sit and wait..for what, I don't know.  Sit on the computer, looking to keep company..for what, I don't know..my company is not needed nor wanted.  Been here before..so tired..

Just another day..

Adding another day to the chapter..(see, I do write in this thing occasionally, Alex).  Oct. 2nd came and went...2 yrs w/out Kevin.  I'm not with his Dad anymore, but the pain of it all is the same as it was the day it all happened.  I called to check on Matt, but he wasn't home and didn't get a chance to call me back...and yanno, that doesn't bother me at all.  Makes me feel good to know he's out there, living his life...hopefully the scars of what he's seen and been thru won't screw up his entire life.  Belly's getting bigger, usually feel ok, sometimes my back starts hurting.  Wierd cravings are going to kill me..not what I want, but when I want it...all Alex's fault for working late...LOL.  Guess that's about it...love you, Kev...your sister is doing great, keep up the excellent work of watching over her.

~Me~