Fra-rah-rah-rah...

Hope all are well.  'Tis the season to be busy busy!  Last Friday night, Kaitlynne had her Christmas recital at school.  She's been eagerly awaiting this for weeks.  She did very well, it was pretty cute.  Her cousin was in it, too.  Both did an excellent job :)  We went to the Christmas parade last Saturday with my sister-in-law and one of her kids (she had another girl with her, too).  I was psyched that my spot was actually still there-I was so sure someone would move it (like last year...buttheads...).  We met up around 3pm, set our chairs up, then went walking thru the shops behinds us.  Got a few good deals on some clothes for the kids, and some Christmas decorations at the Rag Shop.  Alex and I both came into our relationship with no Christmas items, so we're still building (or should say I am...lol).  We got our dinner from Taco Bell then sat, ate, and waited for the parade.  A friend of Kaitlynne's from Girl Scouts came over and sat with us.  Her mom wanted to, but already had people sitting with her so couldn't.  The parade was really good this year, much longer than last year.  Weather was perfect, too.  Brandon had a BLAST!  They started the parade with the motorcycle cops going around in circles with their lights and sirens going...Brandon started screaming at them (not upset, but talking to them).  It was hillarious!  All-in-all, a really good time, I'm definitely glad I went.  Kaitlynne went home with her friend to spend the night, so Brandon and I went to the hotel to wait for Alex to get off work, then headed over to Steak-n-Shake for a late night dinner.  We're looking forward to our first real date-night on Saturday, when we go to the Gretchen Wilson/Blake Shelton concert.  Mom's coming out here to stay with the kids, so hopefully all goes well.

Sunday, we went to pick up Kaitlynne at her friends' house, but she had asked to go to church with them.  I never discourage that, so I said no problem, we'd come back.  There are some other things I'd like to talk about regarding this whole thing, but thinking I should keep them to myself.  I will say something about the church, tho.  They practice some sort of deal where they scream alot...and roll around on the floor to get the 'sin out'.  I wasn't aware of this when I sent Kaitlynne (she has never seen anything like that, and we don't practice in that manner).  She got in trouble at school twice this week already for doing just that...rolling around on the floor and screaming about getting the sin out.  It's somewhat funny to picture it, but not funny overall.  I've talked to her about it, and simply said that she can't be doing those things in class, it's very disruptive.

Kaitlynne's starting a new counselor and psychiatrist.  We've met with the counselor, and I'm not quite sure how to take her yet.  I'm hopeful, but I've been hopeful in the past.  She started to tell me that the psych wasn't going to want to prescribe Kaitlynne's meds, and I got really defensive (as I'm used to doing), and said that stopping her cold-turkey because they didn't like what she was on was NOT an option-period.  It would make her sick, at the very least.  So, they got me an appt earlier then was planned to get her meds, and then we will discuss any alterations to her regimen next month.

Kaitlynne's had a really bad couple of weeks, and today it came to a head.  We had a VERY long (and at one point LOUD) discussion, and she's been fine ever since.  Her teacher is helping me with her problems at school, and she came right home and went to work cleaning her room like I said to her.  I come across as mean to some, but they don't understand.  I'm the one she comes to when the other kids are making fun of her because they think she's 'wierd'.  I'm the one who has to bandage her up when she's hurt herself because she's gone off the wall.  I have to be strict.  I was so upset this morning after she got out of the car.  I thought to myself how exhausting and depressing it can be to be her mother.  I hate feeling that way.  I love her more then words can describe, but I feel ROBBED of her.  This g'damn DISEASE has stolen my little girl.  It's not fair.  For her, for me, for those around her that will never know what a sweet little girl she is...

I've been battling a depression for some time now.  Alot of things going on, most beyond my control, and that's probably part of it.  I hate the not-knowing part.  I know we have itbetter then so many, and I'm grateful for that.  That's what keeps me grounded.  I guess it's the season for all that, too.  I've been missing Marissa.  We hung her special ornaments on the tree, and I couldn't stop the tears.  Something today made her just pop in my mind and I couldn't stop the tears then, either. 

That's enough for now...I wasn't planning on mentioning that, now it's got me down...going to go find something else to do.  Take care out there in cyberland...