...

Just updatin' for the weekend.  Had the baby shower yesterday...had a really good time.  Was a little surprised that 1 person in particular didn't show up..hoping she's ok...not surprised by a couple others.  Kim had gotten hot wings, veggie tray, cheese & meat tray, chips, and these cute little cupcakes with booties (of a certain color, of course) on them.  Baby got the carseat I wanted (attaches to the stroller I bought a couple of months ago), an adorable photo album, the crib light/projector I wanted, really cute outfits, one of the diaper bags I wanted (still need the big one, Daddy..LOL), and so much more stuff...kiddo made out like a bandit, thanks to my friends and family that came.  Oh, and Kim got me the handheld Yahtzee game (I'm always going to her bathroom to play hers...LMAO..sounds like TMI, I know). 

I'm going to Walmart this week sometime to put the Christmas layaway on...got a couple things in mind for the girls and Alex (I know, I don't want anything, blah blah). 

Oh yeah, we went trick-or-treating last night with Kim and her gang, as well as her sister and her child, too.  We had a really good time, Kaitlynne went as a witch ( I took pics, but my cam ate them..have to have someone send it to me).  Got a ton of candy (oh yippee).  Guess that's about it.  Making homemade chilli for Alex tonight...house is startin' to smell yummy.  Anywho, outta here.

Today

Just got back from the carnival about an hour ago.  Kait has been a holy terror all day, sure to be like this all dang weekend with trick-or-treating tomorrow night.  Anywho, pretty much had a good time at the carnival.  It was 'supposed' to get down to 60 tonight, so we wore clothes that were a little heavier, only to have the humidity be in the 90's...dying of heat exhaustion.  Alex and Kait rode quite a few rides, then we ate at the cookout.  His brother and his family showed up, we walked around for a little while with them, but they showed up after we had been there 3 hours...I was tired and hot, Kait needed to go to bed before she drove me totally insane, etc...  All in all, a good time for the small fee of 20 bucks.  Tomorrow's the shower, very excited..should be much fun.  Then trick or treating.  I'll post a pic of Kait in her costume tomorrow night or Sunday.  Looks as tho I'm rambling again, so g'night.

Why must there be a subject

First...WTG RED SOX!  Fantastic sweep!  Second..eh, not much to say today.  Going to the carnival tomorrow night with Alex (yes, you're going) and Kaitlynne.  Should be fun, and luckily it's been cooling off at night.  I actually remembered to buy tickets ahead of time half price..never remember to do that.  Saturday is my baby's shower...very excited about that.  Then taking my little witch out trick or treating.  We had a dog for a whole 15 minutes a couple of days ago.  As soon as it walked in, I could tell it had been beaten.  Very pretty dog, friendly (with adults, anyway, don't know about kids).  Alex walked outside for a minute and the dog freaked, so I knew it would tear the house up if left alone...and we rent.  Then, the cats were introduced and quickly locked back up when the dog made an attempt to eat my Smokey.  Needless to say, the dog went back...which turned out to be a good thing, since the owner came back for it the next day (the owner was thought to have left it behind).  I could tell Alex liked having it...and when we get our own place, a dog will be the first thing we get.  Something younger that can grow up with the kids and cats...perhaps a lab.  Anywho, I'm rambling....guess that's about it.  Prayers out to the family of those 2 poor little girls who were killed after being hit by a car yesterday.  That was so horrible.  I'm a cellphone user, occasionally in the car, too....WAS...guarantee I won't now...I couldn't live with myself knowing I had done something that heinous just because I had to chitchat with someone on the phone while driving....

Feeling isn't a bad thing

For every action, there is a reaction.  Having feelings or emotions on any given subject isn't a bad thing.  Showing that you have these emotions isn't a bad thing either, tho it does leave you open and vulnerable to those with a negative opinion.  It's been said to be a sign of weakness, tho I don't see how.  It shows you are human..you are alive.  I'd much rather take my chances being open to attack then to have others view me as frigid, cold, no emotion or feeling towards anything.  I tend to close up about many things, but bullying people for their beliefs or for the way they do things is wrong...and there's no reason why I should be quiet and not tell someone that.  Stand up for the underdog.  Sometimes I am the underdog, and I'll stand up for myself.  People online tend to get far to personal when they're on the 'attack'.  We don't know each other from Adam, so how can we say we 'know' anything about someone else on here?  Especially if it's a mere opinion of how someone is, with no sound backing to base it on.  It's rather sad that some people are so miserable with themselves or their lives that they must belittle and torment others to attempt to make themselves feel better.  I'll be the first to admit that there has been occasion where topics on here have gone to far and I've gotten my feelings hurt, or I've seen someone else get there's hurt.  They may just be words on a screen, but there is some hateful person behind the other screen typing these words.  Anywho, I guess the point of the vent today is:  don't be afraid to show some emotion...it's better to have shown then to never have felt it (or anything else, for that matter) at all.

Hell froze over...

Mom called me day before yesterday, said she had a check there for me.  I was like from what, she said child support disbursement.  I was like you gotta be kidding me.  Granted, it was only  66 bucks and he owes like 800 (only because I didn't go retro on his butt), but still...I NEVER thought I'd see ANY money from him, voluntarily (meaning I didn't have to go back to court).  I'm sure I'll have to anyway, and I'm sure that's why he paid that little amount, to show effort.  So I'll wait and see what happens.  Still surprising.  Then, of course, mom had to throw her 2 cents in telling me to call and threaten him with a call to the IRS or to the police regarding certain things...I told her that was ridiculous, and there was no reason NOT to use the courts..she said I was being a wuss about it and letting him get away with whatever, which is SO untrue because I already took him to court to get it ordered, and I called child support enforcement 2 weeks ago to find otu what I do if he's not paying.  Anyway, got ticked that she jumped on me w/out knowing all of it, she got ticked that I got ticked, hung up on me..LOL.  Anyway, we're over it now...he's not worth the effort of getting ticked over.

Went w/ mom to get the car seat today...I still have to look surprised at the shower on Saturday, tho...she just couldn't find the right one, even tho it was on the registry, so I went with her..LOL. 

Anywho, bout it...baby's kicking up a storm all day today...probably go to sleep once daddy gets home so he won't be able to feel it..LOL.

Enough is enough

Took care of something that was really grating on me.  I was so worried about upsetting someone or rocking a boat, so I was letting myself get walked-on.  Not anymore...I survived an abusive marriage of 9 years, surely not going to take crap from someone who doesn't even know me.  Feeling much better, and thanks to my buddy for listening to me whine about it. 

On a much more cheerful and interesting note, baby has been kicking like crazy the last few days; what a wonderful feeling, even if it is my bladder!  My babyshower is next Saturday..very excited to see some old friends I haven't been able to see in awhile.

Feeling pretty good, get tired quick, but I'm still out doing to keep myself busy.  Alex and I went out to dinner and mini-golfing w/ his brother and his girlfriend..and I FINALLY won one against Alex..and yes, I'm STILL rubbing it in..LOL.  They opened a new Walmart 15 minutes away, and it's soooo nice (I know, easily amused..LOL).  Going to go back today with my GOOD shoes on, because this place is HUGE!  Anywho, nothing else going on, so I'm outta here. :)

BAAAHAHAHAHAHA

Hmmm...no skankee yankees at the world series this year.  "Winners never cheat & cheaters never win".  LOL!  Wonderful that the curse on the Red Sox has been lifted, and dang, it just couldn't be happier news for those that truly detest the pretty-boys of baseball.

It's funny how they all came out smelling like roses at the end of it all...and I came out the paranoid bitch...

Skankee Yankees

Police in riot gear on the field during a game of "America's past-time"...leave it to the yankee fans on this one.  I'll give them the whole John Rocker thing w/ the batteries..he was an idiot who shouldn't have spoken-period.  But c'mon now..ARod flat-out picked up his yellow-bellied hand and smacked that ball right outta the mit of Arroyo (thank you, Alex).  Skankee fans are just ticked cuz their team got caught doing what they do best...cheating.

Just talking..

Had 'the appointment' today..the ultrasound.  Daddy stayed in long enough to see the head, then left (is determined not to find out..and I'm determined not to be the one that slips..LOL).  So yes, needless to say, I found out what it was.  Not putting it here, cuz he reads it..LOL.  Baby is healthy and doing well, due date change to Feb. 26, 2005, my BP is doing its normal climb upwards and onwards...sucks.  Have to go take the 1 hour glucose test tomorrow or Friday..that crud they make you drink is DISGUSTING *gag*.

Also, I tried calling Kait's dad twice regarding the call I got about his lost checkbook.  His roommate finally tells me to leave a message cuz 'he doesn't think Larry wants to take my calls since he keeps leaving when I do call'...so I said 'tell the loser to take his drunk azz and retrace his steps to every bar in town and find his checkbook his dayum self then'.  Sucks..if that had been a call to tell him something about Kaitlynne, wouldn't matter to him..he won't even talk to her anymore.  She said something about him yesterday and referred to him as "Larry" not "Daddy"....*shrug* not like I'm discouraging this..I tried forever for him to be involved.  It's his damn loss.

<There is no subject>

I'm listening to my daughter's breathing as she's sleeping.  It's hard to imagine it's been over 7 yrs since I had her..she's growing up too quickly.  And now there's another baby coming...everyone's thrilled, including myself.  However, in the back of my mind I wonder how I'm going to make sure both kids know I love them equally.  It's been Kaitlynne and I for so long...I don't want the new baby to feel I don't love him/her the same, or for Kaitlynne to feel I don't love her as much.  I'm sure it will all work out..I always wanted more kids, I guess it's just still hard to believe it's actually happening.

Tomorrow is the ultrasound.  Only 'supposed' to bring 2 people with me, however, along with daddy and I, there will be Kaitlynne, my mom, and my friend.  Guess they'll have to take turns coming in....LOL.  Daddy doesn't want to find out the sex with us, so I know he (and Kaitlynne *repeater*) will be going out for that one, assuming baby cooperates.

Baby kicks up a storm now...every once in awhile it can be felt on the outside, but never seems to let daddy feel it (did once, not since then..just reaffirms my belief that it's a lil girl..LOL).  Still battling this sinus infection...this is week 6.  My doc wants me to go to see an Ear, Nose, & Throat specialist, but I have to wait for my primary doc to see me to refer me to this person.  I don't see her until December.  So...it's pretty much a hurry up and wait (and suffer) deal.  My blood pressure goes wacky..usually spikes at night (like right now)...then ok during the day.  Already on partial bedrest from the bleeding, which happens once in awhile still, but not as much as before.  I had the high BP with Kaitlynne, but otherwise, an 'uneventful' pregnancy....wierd how they are all different...

The latest cravings:  OJ (by the gallons), eggs, bologna/cheese sandwiches, beefsteak tomatoes, salads, subs.  I've gotten lucky with this pregnancy, too, as far as not craving sweets.  My booty is big enough w/out that...LOL.  I'm 22 weeks today, total weight gain is 16lbs.

"Jump thru the hoop"

Went to the doc today for this f'n sinus infection that's now been keeping me company for 5 weeks..and for the bp that jacks up when it dayum well feels like it....thanks to my wonderful insurance company, I get to sit..and suffer w/ the sinus for atleast 2 more months.  BP..well..that's an ongoing problem..but who gives a shit, right...this must be my punishment for screwing everything little damn thing up..I don't know how people around me survive as well as they do, knowing such an f'n idiot like myself.  Tired of being the punching bag...y'all having a bad day?  Did ya screw something up, perhaps, and don't feel like owning up to it yourself?  Well yanno what..TAKE YOUR SHIT ELSEWHERE..I don't give a flying flip anymore.  Been here, done it..got the f'n t-shirt and BURNED IT along w/ the 'me' that stood around and put up w/ this shit.

So tired...

Get up every day..take the kid to school..come back..sleep or sit and wait..for what, I don't know.  Eat lunch, go get kid from school, come back..sit and wait..for what, I don't know.  Sit on the computer, looking to keep company..for what, I don't know..my company is not needed nor wanted.  Been here before..so tired..

Just another day..

Adding another day to the chapter..(see, I do write in this thing occasionally, Alex).  Oct. 2nd came and went...2 yrs w/out Kevin.  I'm not with his Dad anymore, but the pain of it all is the same as it was the day it all happened.  I called to check on Matt, but he wasn't home and didn't get a chance to call me back...and yanno, that doesn't bother me at all.  Makes me feel good to know he's out there, living his life...hopefully the scars of what he's seen and been thru won't screw up his entire life.  Belly's getting bigger, usually feel ok, sometimes my back starts hurting.  Wierd cravings are going to kill me..not what I want, but when I want it...all Alex's fault for working late...LOL.  Guess that's about it...love you, Kev...your sister is doing great, keep up the excellent work of watching over her.

~Me~