Fra la la la...

I hope all had a wonderful holiday!  We certainly did!  We went to my friend, Kim's, home on Christmas eve to exchange gifts.  We then came home and got the cookies ready for Santa, and the reindeer food mixed up and put out on the front lawn (btw, my dog, Blackie, loved it...LOL).  The girls wanted to call Santa, but the number I found wouldn't work :(  Kaitlynne brought me my cell phone and said, "Just in case he calls back" :*)

The girls, surprisingly, didn't get up til about 730am on Christmas morning.  For once, I wasn't up most of the night before wrapping (my SIL came over and helped me the day before that...LOL).  They came out, and we all had a really good time opening our presents.  Katie was ecstatic about her MP3 player (that I loaded with her favorite country tunes-thanks to Tina for getting me some last-minute ones), and Kaitlynne freaked about her Polly Pocket Cruise Ship and Bratz Stylin' Head.  My SIL called, asked if were still doing breakfast at her house.  It was pouring, but I thought wth, we won't melt.  She said she had seen Kaitlynne outside that morning, she had told them I locked her out.  I had no idea what she was talking about, then it dawned on me.  Kaitlynne had gone OUT of her window, around to the back door and was trying to get in to raid the presents!!!!  Thank God we locked the back door!  I was doing my best to NOT get upset, so I simply told Kaitlynne that her Polly Pocket Cruise Ship was mine until she could show me she could be trusted. 

So, we went next door and had breakfast and exchanged gifts with them.  I had to get back, tho, cuz I had to get all my stuff together to take to the hotel for the family get together there.  We got there about noon, and surprisingly, my FIL already had the paella done!  Last year he was slackin, not this year, tho!  Everyone pretty much showed up at the same time with all the kids.  It was loud, but I thought went really well, considering most of the family doesn't like each other...LOL!  My FIL was extremely generous this year, I'm still in awe and very thankful.  The food was delicious :)  After we got done there, we went to my brother's house, where he had most of Pete's family (and our mom).  We got to nibble a bit there, but I was disappointed that there were so many people there that were strangers...even to my brother!  Everyone was just 'showing up' for free food, I guess.  Hard to explain it, but whatever....I guess if they don't kick them out, can't say anything about it.

Got home about 8 or so.  Mom came home with us (Alex asked her to, since he was going to have all of the kids the next day).  I went out shopping with Sandra to return a couple of things, and see the Christmas clearance.  Got a few things I needed (including wrapping paper-we used it all!), then we hit Cracker Barrell for breakfast (was SO good...and they had FSU stuff 1/2 off, so I got Brandon a onsie).

We got a new dog (I know, we need another animal).  It's a cocker spaniel named Princess (I call it 'Dog'...lol).  She's been having trouble adjusting (tearing up trash, not house training).  I had originally emailed the original owner to give her back, but now I'm not sure.  We're missing one cat (kitten with a tail from Wendy's)...our idiot neighbors pitt's were over here around the same time it went missing...I'm praying the two aren't related :***(  On top of that, we got another CAT!  LOL!  My hubby said I can qualify as a kitty sanctuary now!  LOL!  This is a 21lb (I would say every bit of that, if not more) tuxedo-colored male, neutered and declawed (not something I believe in personally).  He...is...HUGE!  He's been voicing his complaints of sharing a home with other critters from under the dining room table all night...LOL!

I took Kait to another psych appointment today at the new place she's at.  I can NOT stand her new psych!  He's been out of college MAYBE a year, and is sure he knows everything + compared to his counterparts.  He told me that he see's no signs of any mental illness in Kaitlynne...maybe just a bit of hyperactivity!  I was floored!  I got upset, and he said that I should be happy that he said that.  I said how in the HELL can I be happy that you are going to destroy over 4 years of hard work to get her the help she has desperately needed all because you and that bubble-gum machine degree say so?!  Oh I went off...and then called the insurance company (in front of him) and asked if they had any COMPETENT doctors for my daughter.  He shrugged and said it was no big deal...he just got paid to write scripts anyway!!!  This from the man who holds my daughter's wellbeing in his idiot hands!  Ugh!  So, next week will be just that...the hunt for the new doc!  Insurance gave me the name of a place in G'ville, so I'm going to call and see what they think of this.  I called and left a message for her old Doctor to call me, too... 

Brandon is doing wonderfully!  He had shots a couple of days ago (the same day dipshit doc pulled this stunt), but fine otherwise.  Everyone tells us what a beautiful boy he is...and how good he is.  He's always like that, too!  We got him the Jumperoo with Grandpa's gift card to Walmart...and he loves it!!!!

Katie goes home Sunday.  Her mother called us Thursday (the same day that the doc pulled his crap and Brandon got shots) to say she wanted us to keep Katie here cuz they're broke (something we had talked about anyway).  We said fine, send her school records.  One hour later, her husband calls back saying that it was a misunderstanding and she never should have called with our problems and that they would indeed be picking Katie up Sunday.  I called back myself and told her mother that we needed to know that Katie was going back to a stable home...her response:  "Huh?".  I was so irritated at her ignorance (as usual), that I said 'good God, forget it' and gave the phone to Alex.  She then gave her phone to her husband.  It was horrible to see the girls get excited (they heard the first phone message), then see them both crushed.  I can't stand that woman.  I guess that child support check means that much to her.

Ugh, it's getting late and we have a birthday party to go tomorrow.  I'll add some pics and be outta here.  Happy New Year!!!!!

************For our daughter*************

We missed you dearly on Christmas day, as we do every day.  Tho having your siblings with us, there was still an empty spot.  Daddy and I cried many tears for you, and I'm sure they won't be the last.  We love you, baby girl...I hope you had the most joyous of holiday's with the reason we have Christmas to begin with.  See you on the other side....

Ahhh the holiday blues...

Very busy month.  Let's see, Alex and I went to the Gretchen Wilson/Blake Shelton concert last Saturday.  We had a blast, no doubt.  Blake put on a better show (he sang "Baby", and I cried the entire time), but Gretchen's wasn't bad, either.  The opening act (can't recall the gals name..some local person) sang a country version of "Gin and Juice".  Yes, the Snoop Dog song...it was horrible.  Ugh...

The hotel was burglarized yesterday morning (local people can check the local section of today's paper, it's in there as being a suspected hit by a group of men who hit 2 other places recently).  Thankfully, no one was hurt, but they stole the entire safe with thousands of dollars in it.  Just last week, Alex's father's room was burglarized, as well.  They smashed out the back door around 230am, held the gal at gunpoint, and stole the safe.  Like my nerves weren't bad enough with this, now I have to think of Alex down there with this bs going on :*(  His dad is out of the country, coming back tomorrow...I feel bad for him, too.  We're not all convinced that it's related to the other 2 incidences...not many similarities, in our opinions.  With his room being broken into (actually, there was no forced entry there...had to be someone with a key?), we're thinking possible inside job.  Robbed by someone who knows him.  Great.

Kaitlynne's going thru a REALLY hard time at school and at home.  She just started a new counselor/psych this week, and I'm praying with all I have it works.  I'm just in tears everyday about it.  I'm angry and frustrated (why does this have to be happening to her?), and so sad (I feel robbed of her and her childhood, and sad that the other kids think of her the way they do...she's such a sweet kid, really...just wants friends, but has no idea how to go about getting/keeping them).  I don't want to go into details, but things are really hard right now.  I'm so depressed, and really trying to keep my head up for my family. 

Oh...and we're just around the corner from Marissa's 2 year angelversary.  2 years...how did that happen??  Where did the time go?  How did I make it this far, when I can clearly feel the pain like it was yesterday?

To end on a positive note, Brandon is doing wonderfully.  He brings a smile to every face that sees him, he's a true joy to all.

Fra-rah-rah-rah...

Hope all are well.  'Tis the season to be busy busy!  Last Friday night, Kaitlynne had her Christmas recital at school.  She's been eagerly awaiting this for weeks.  She did very well, it was pretty cute.  Her cousin was in it, too.  Both did an excellent job :)  We went to the Christmas parade last Saturday with my sister-in-law and one of her kids (she had another girl with her, too).  I was psyched that my spot was actually still there-I was so sure someone would move it (like last year...buttheads...).  We met up around 3pm, set our chairs up, then went walking thru the shops behinds us.  Got a few good deals on some clothes for the kids, and some Christmas decorations at the Rag Shop.  Alex and I both came into our relationship with no Christmas items, so we're still building (or should say I am...lol).  We got our dinner from Taco Bell then sat, ate, and waited for the parade.  A friend of Kaitlynne's from Girl Scouts came over and sat with us.  Her mom wanted to, but already had people sitting with her so couldn't.  The parade was really good this year, much longer than last year.  Weather was perfect, too.  Brandon had a BLAST!  They started the parade with the motorcycle cops going around in circles with their lights and sirens going...Brandon started screaming at them (not upset, but talking to them).  It was hillarious!  All-in-all, a really good time, I'm definitely glad I went.  Kaitlynne went home with her friend to spend the night, so Brandon and I went to the hotel to wait for Alex to get off work, then headed over to Steak-n-Shake for a late night dinner.  We're looking forward to our first real date-night on Saturday, when we go to the Gretchen Wilson/Blake Shelton concert.  Mom's coming out here to stay with the kids, so hopefully all goes well.

Sunday, we went to pick up Kaitlynne at her friends' house, but she had asked to go to church with them.  I never discourage that, so I said no problem, we'd come back.  There are some other things I'd like to talk about regarding this whole thing, but thinking I should keep them to myself.  I will say something about the church, tho.  They practice some sort of deal where they scream alot...and roll around on the floor to get the 'sin out'.  I wasn't aware of this when I sent Kaitlynne (she has never seen anything like that, and we don't practice in that manner).  She got in trouble at school twice this week already for doing just that...rolling around on the floor and screaming about getting the sin out.  It's somewhat funny to picture it, but not funny overall.  I've talked to her about it, and simply said that she can't be doing those things in class, it's very disruptive.

Kaitlynne's starting a new counselor and psychiatrist.  We've met with the counselor, and I'm not quite sure how to take her yet.  I'm hopeful, but I've been hopeful in the past.  She started to tell me that the psych wasn't going to want to prescribe Kaitlynne's meds, and I got really defensive (as I'm used to doing), and said that stopping her cold-turkey because they didn't like what she was on was NOT an option-period.  It would make her sick, at the very least.  So, they got me an appt earlier then was planned to get her meds, and then we will discuss any alterations to her regimen next month.

Kaitlynne's had a really bad couple of weeks, and today it came to a head.  We had a VERY long (and at one point LOUD) discussion, and she's been fine ever since.  Her teacher is helping me with her problems at school, and she came right home and went to work cleaning her room like I said to her.  I come across as mean to some, but they don't understand.  I'm the one she comes to when the other kids are making fun of her because they think she's 'wierd'.  I'm the one who has to bandage her up when she's hurt herself because she's gone off the wall.  I have to be strict.  I was so upset this morning after she got out of the car.  I thought to myself how exhausting and depressing it can be to be her mother.  I hate feeling that way.  I love her more then words can describe, but I feel ROBBED of her.  This g'damn DISEASE has stolen my little girl.  It's not fair.  For her, for me, for those around her that will never know what a sweet little girl she is...

I've been battling a depression for some time now.  Alot of things going on, most beyond my control, and that's probably part of it.  I hate the not-knowing part.  I know we have itbetter then so many, and I'm grateful for that.  That's what keeps me grounded.  I guess it's the season for all that, too.  I've been missing Marissa.  We hung her special ornaments on the tree, and I couldn't stop the tears.  Something today made her just pop in my mind and I couldn't stop the tears then, either. 

That's enough for now...I wasn't planning on mentioning that, now it's got me down...going to go find something else to do.  Take care out there in cyberland...

*cracks knuckles* Black Friday ;)

Been a busy week and I'm worn out already!  Kaitlynne got 2nd place out of her entire school on the turkey coloring contest *smiling big*!  It made her entire week!  Thanksgiving went very well, I was relieved.  I cooked turkey, gravy, green bean casserole, corn, cherry cheesecake and pumpkin pie.  My sister-in-law (next door) cooked ham, stuffing, mashed potatoes, baby carrots, and apple pie (we both pitched in on appetizers of deviled eggs, shrimp dip, spinach dip, and a pickle/olive tray).  We had both of our families there, and our father-in-law and brother-in-law came out.  Granted, I can't stand that particular BIL, but I let it slide for the day...still family, no matter.  Everyone was in a good mood, kids played, guys watched football, my mom slept (lol), and Sandra and I got our Black Friday lists ready. 

Which leads me to Friday.  We met up at 330am at her house (yes, folks...I went to bed at 1am, got up at 230am...people that know me, pick up your jaws), then headed for Walmart.  We got there at 4am, and got our cozy space next to our prize purchase-the portable dvd players.  I was getting one for our car, and she was getting two for her kids.  One lady asked if she could get by me with her cart, so I moved a bit...she and 2 of her *bleeping* friends stopped right in front of me.  She then turned and started talking to about 10 more people...Sandra and I put ourselves close together and didn't let a damn one of them up there...assheads.  We were both a bit nervous about when the plastic was going to come off of the pallet..we knew it would be chaos.  At 455am, a couple of women in front of us said they'd peel it back so it would be ready at 5am.  Well, the beyotch that cut in front of me said, "Oh it's on now" and made a DIVE into the pallet!!  I said, "oh shit" as the mass suddenly lunged forward...it was INSANE!  LOL!  I grabbed 3 cases, and Sandra (while cussing at people squishing her) just <barely> grabbed the 3 dvd players.  She hollered to me she had them and we made a quick and much-needed escape from the mass of clammering shoppers.  We laughed, high-fived (yes, we're nerds), and I then noticed she had a big scratch and bruise across her chin...war wounds!  LOL!

After that, we made our way around the store to grab the other things we wanted (no where NEAR as dangerous as the dvd player).  I got a couple Fisher Price toys (one for Brandon, one for Kim's twins), each of our girls the 4-piece pajama sets, and a few dvd's.  Sandra got her soccer table, but couldn't find the air hockey table (told her we'd find it somewhere else...btw, I went to Walmart today and saw they had 6 more air hockey tables out at the same BF price...LOL), a pillow that has speakers that plugs into an mp3 player, and a few movies.  Then we went to go to Target...OMG!  The line was around the front of the building, down the main road!  We just looked at each other and said, "hell no", and headed to Kmart (we knew they wouldn't be as busy..lol).  Sandra got her air hockey table there, both got a couple more dvd's, I picked up quite a few 12 packs of Pepsi products (2.00/12pk...can't beat that!) for our soda machine, and a Bratz doll.  Ran into a friend of an acquaintenance and said hey...she was a royal beyotch (like she usually is, I hear), so that started to turn my mood sour.  I got over it, tho, as we headed to ToysRUs.  The lines were INSANE in there, but they (the employees) had it very organized..I'll give them credit for that.  I got a Bratz styling head, and Spongebob inflatable boxing thing.  She got a guitar, a huge transformer, a football kind of game, and we both got a couple other things (can't remember...lol).  Then we headed back to Target (much calmer then).  We headed to electronics and both got a couple more dvd's (ended up with like 10 movies each..lol), each got a Spongebob GBA game, each got our hubbies something similar (not saying what, cuz Alex reads this...sometimes, anyway), and a few other things.  I ran into Kim there (she gave me a big hug..we haven't seen each other in awhile...she's been sick, as have the babies), said we'd get together soon.  Then Sandra and I headed out to lunch to end the extravaganza.  We had planned for 2 weeks to go to Kotobuki.  I couldn't believe it, tho...they were closed!  Ugh...so we ended up at Ale House (had a spinach dip appetizer that was SO good...I bought some goodies to try and make it tomorrow...lol).  Then she dropped me off at the hotel and I got a room to catch a little nap before Alex came for work with the kids.  All-in-all it went well, and I had a good time.  I came home, did dishes, used what little energy I had left to play with the kids, then crashed hard when Alex got home...LOL! 

I put up my decorations today...bought some to put outside, too.  Looks cute.  I haven't done the tree yet, tho I have it on the porch.  I want to clean my carpets in there first.  My brother called and said he is indeed coming back for Christmas (they had gone to Springfield to work).  I was pretty happy to hear that (maybe my harping finally worked...Petey's family sees them way more then we do and they live in another state!).  He should be back Tuesday or so...I'm excited :)

Anywho, that's about it.  I'm still tired today (blah).  Next Saturday is the Christmas parade-I can't wait!  Hope all had a good Thanksgiving...and saved plenty of energy...December's right around the corner :)

"Hell Yeah" it was a Happy Birthday for dh :)

Happy (now belated) Birthday to my honey :)  He had to work it, but I tried to make the best of it for him.  I got him a couple pairs of shorts and a baseball cap that says 'England' on it.  Kinda boring, huh?  I made up for it...got him (and myself) tickets to go see Gretchen Wilson/Blake Shelton next month!!!  Hell yeahhhh!!!  For the man who doesn't like country music, but likes Gretchen Wilson...LOL!  I do, too, as well as Blake Shelton...I can't wait!  I also brought him ribs from a kickbutt place down the road from him (for y'all local...Roosevelts...mmmmmmmmmmm).  He deserves all he wants, and more.  He never asks me for anything anyway...but he had mentioned the concert, so I'm happy I could get them for him (and the seats rock!). 

Brandon's been battling something for the last couple of days.  I was worried it was RSV (tho he's getting the vaccine, but they aren't always 100% effective at warding it off...and thanks to Lissa for talking to me the other night!), but he seems to have bounced back.  Still coughing a bit, but seems better.  Perhaps an allergic reaction to something?  I don't know...but keeping a close eye on him anyway...definitely had us scared!  I gave him a nebulizer treatment and put him in bed with us the other night...not much sleep for mommy and daddy, but he woke up a bit better...and today has been much better.

Kaitlynne seems to be snapping out of her funky mood...really rough week last week, I hope it's done with.  She's been doing so well!

That's about it...tty'all later :)

A *real* entry now...

Real quick, let me say thanks to the couple of folks that signed up on the Netwinner!  It's been down for maintenance off/on today, but it's worth it!  I keep it minimized, play as I can.  Anywho, thanks again :)

Now for *real* news...lol.  Brandon had his 6 month appt yesterday.  He's such a big boy!  He weighed in at 21lbs 10ozs (granted, they don't undress, so off a few ounces), and 27 inches long!  He's the light of our family...when any of us are having a bad day, we just look at him and he gives us that big toothless smile-it's amazing :*)

Kaitlynne got her progress report, and she's doing so well!  She brought her math grade up to a C (started out an F...it's by far her hardest subject), and the rest was all A's, B's and E's and S's!  My mom kept her overnight Saturday and they had fun together as a reward...we're going to do something with her this weekend (I'm thinking we'll go see Happy Feet).  I have started having her pulled out for added help in math, but I'm happy to see her put forth her best effort on her own...definitely proud of her!  She's had a rough few days this week with her behaviors/moods, but today she seemed to try a bit harder to control them.  She should be starting her new counseling soon, as soon as I stop playing phone tag with them.

Other then that, we're just plugging along like everyone else.  I cleaned out the closet in the baby's room the other day (going to sell some of Brandon's clothes, since he's outgrowing everything so quickly).  I was doing fine, going thru this and that...using all the energy I had to avoid the left side of the closet.  The left side has a large garbage bag of baby girl clothes...I remember buying each and every item in that bag.  I remember picturing her wearing it when I did.  The left side has a box of keepsakes...all that's left of a shattered dream.  I only held it off for so long, before I broke down...hard.  I haven't cried like that for her in some time...usually have a little boy smiling at me to remind of the gift she gave us.  This time, I didn't.  I had nothing but a clean right side, and an untouched left side.  2 years later, and the pain is still just as fresh as the day we found out...

Warning: Shameless Plug Ahead

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