A *real* entry now...

Real quick, let me say thanks to the couple of folks that signed up on the Netwinner!  It's been down for maintenance off/on today, but it's worth it!  I keep it minimized, play as I can.  Anywho, thanks again :)

Now for *real* news...lol.  Brandon had his 6 month appt yesterday.  He's such a big boy!  He weighed in at 21lbs 10ozs (granted, they don't undress, so off a few ounces), and 27 inches long!  He's the light of our family...when any of us are having a bad day, we just look at him and he gives us that big toothless smile-it's amazing :*)

Kaitlynne got her progress report, and she's doing so well!  She brought her math grade up to a C (started out an F...it's by far her hardest subject), and the rest was all A's, B's and E's and S's!  My mom kept her overnight Saturday and they had fun together as a reward...we're going to do something with her this weekend (I'm thinking we'll go see Happy Feet).  I have started having her pulled out for added help in math, but I'm happy to see her put forth her best effort on her own...definitely proud of her!  She's had a rough few days this week with her behaviors/moods, but today she seemed to try a bit harder to control them.  She should be starting her new counseling soon, as soon as I stop playing phone tag with them.

Other then that, we're just plugging along like everyone else.  I cleaned out the closet in the baby's room the other day (going to sell some of Brandon's clothes, since he's outgrowing everything so quickly).  I was doing fine, going thru this and that...using all the energy I had to avoid the left side of the closet.  The left side has a large garbage bag of baby girl clothes...I remember buying each and every item in that bag.  I remember picturing her wearing it when I did.  The left side has a box of keepsakes...all that's left of a shattered dream.  I only held it off for so long, before I broke down...hard.  I haven't cried like that for her in some time...usually have a little boy smiling at me to remind of the gift she gave us.  This time, I didn't.  I had nothing but a clean right side, and an untouched left side.  2 years later, and the pain is still just as fresh as the day we found out...

Warning: Shameless Plug Ahead

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That is NOT black cat...

Just a quick update.  We had the celebration for Girl Scouts last Saturday.  My sister-in-law and I volunteered to HELP with our troops booth...ended up we ran it entirely-our troops 'leader' never came back.  Sandra and I just took turns going around to the other booths with our troop so we could get pics with the kids.  At one point, I had to leave our booth unattended because Kaitlynne got very sick.  She was fine afterwards, tho.  I could go into more 'Girl Scout Drama', but I won't...LOL!  She had a good time, for the most part.  I did, too...was fun playing with the other girls.  My friend, Cindy, runs a troop so we got to see her and her daughter, too.

Sunday was apparantly 'zoo day' at our house.  Kaitlynne went outside to play and came back in the house with a damn SNAKE!  Now granted, I like snakes...had them as pets...but I do NOT want her grabbing wild snakes and thinking it's ok!  I got so mad because I was so scared that she had done that...I'm still not positive what kind it was!  Our cat, Butters, had caught it and she went and grabbed it.  It was about a foot long or so (young).  She dropped it by the shoe pile, and it went behind it.  My husband (not-so-much a snake person...lol) called me, so I got it out with the litterbox scoop!  LOL!  Ended well, thank God.  Later that evening, I went out to the back porch and opened the screen door for the cats to come in and eat.  I went back inside, and then back out to the porch to look for something.  Alex asked me which cats were out there eating, so I say, "Butters, the 2 kittens, and black cat".  Just as I say it, what I thought was black cat turned around and it was a possum!  LOL!  I was like Holy Sh*t, there's a possum out here!  I knew we had one (I've seen it out eating in the yard before..and we do live in the sticks, afterall), but not on the porch!  The dang cats were just standing there like nothing!  I'd shew them out the door, and they'd run back in.  Anyway, ended up that we had to move a bunch of stuff off the porch to open the pathway to the door again to get him out.  After doing that, he just walked away (after he had tried to eat my broom and showed me some WICKED looking teeth!).  Of course I had to get a pic ofit first, tho!  All turned out well again, but it was an adventure! 

The rest of the week has been pretty uneventful, I guess...hard to remember all the things that go on :)  I went to the school this a.m. for an IEP meeting I called-I wanted Kaitlynne to start receiving extra services for math.  Luckily, the staff agreed w/out too much fight (hard to schedule it in there when they spend 95% of their day doing required FCAT preperation...I'm still pissed Crist got elected governor-he loves the way the education system is running.  He's obviously an idiot...).  Kaitlynne made me proud today (yet again).  Altho she is struggling so much with math, she has brought her grade up from an F at the beginning of the year, to a C now!  She doesn't know that yet, so I'm going to surprise her with doing something special this weekend with her.  I think we'll go see 'Happy Feet' :)

Anywho, not much else happening.  Did get to talk to my friend, Steph, yesterday (after 2 years of no more then the occasional email).  I hope things work out for her soon...she deserves to be happy and treated like the good person that she is.

Alex is behind me playing with Brandon and saying, "Dear Journal:  I have the greatest husband ever...".  He thinks he's joking, but he's right...I do.  I love you, honey!

I see you in him...

Forgot to mention something.  Kim and I were out today, Brandon stayed home with Daddy for bit, but she had her twins.  I commented on how much Austin looks like her oldest son, Danny.  She agreed, then got quiet for a minute.  She said, "I've never said this to anyone, but I have thought about what if we lost Danny that day in the pool...and then we were to have Austin with him looking just like him...how ironic, or maybe that's not the right word."  I said, "First, thankfully that's not something you need to dwell on.  Secondly, everytime I look at Brandon sleeping, I see Marissa.  She had the same big blue eyes...same little lips...big hands...they could have been twins, too."  She said, "Yes...she was a beautiful girl."  It was all I could do not to cry.  I'm crying now just writing it.  Gone, but never forgotten, babygirl.  We love you more then words can say. 

Trick-or-Treat, Smell my feet...

Hello again, I hope all had a happy and safe Halloween.  Yesterday was busy!  I took a bunch of goodies to Kaitlynne's class and had a small party with them (it was kind of sad...the kids were all so shocked that anyone was doing anything for them...I don't mean as far as the teacher, but that a parent was involved.  Hard to explain, but an odd feeling).  Kaitlynne is good friends with the girl she was having problems with, so that was nice to see.  She was such a goofball while I was there, it was cute.  I checked her out from there so we could go home and start getting her and Brandon ready.  As you can see from the above pics, she turned out SO cute...I can see a glimpse of the woman she'll become...how beautiful she is and will be...wow.  We ran a few errands, stop and saw Grandpa and Nana, then went to Kim's mom's house to meet-up.  We went our usual route, but I was surprised at how many houses weren't participating this year...also heard there weren't as many kids out...really wierd.  The kids had a blast, tho.  Kaitlynne was so tired when we got home, but I had to shower her (lol)...that stuff came right out, surprisingly!

For the most part, I think she's been really trying to be better with me.  The reward/chore chart seems to be working.  She has a "checking" and "savings" account going...earns money, as well as loses it.  I gave her a dollar free-and-clear today as a surprise...told her it was because she was so good last night and hasn't been fighting with me in the mornings.  She was surprised, and politely said thank you.  I asked her if it was nice to earn something...not have to fight with me to try and get it...she agreed.  We tie-dyed some shirts the other day, had a blast with it...we, for once, did something together with no fighting and enjoyed it!   It's a start, and I'll take it :) 

She has an appt next week to start new counseling/psych care.  She's being discharged from her current care (I don't agree with, but they "claim" it's beyond their control), as tho she's "cured".  Anyway...we'll see how this goes.  I have my reservations, but hopefull.

Brandon has another appointment tomorrow for his latest round of the RSV vaccine.  I hate seeing him get a shot, but I know it's worth it in the long run.  He's doing wonderful, he's such a joy...and so big!  Everyone can't wait to hear his current weight/height :)

Quick note to my honey...I love you, thank you for every day we have together as a family!

Take care all...I'm off to read journals (HINT HINT).

Tears in Heaven & Boyz in the Hood

Hello again, people of cyber land.  Just thought I'd stop in, post an update or two. 

Kaitlynne's doing well.  Enjoying Girl Scouts, brought her grades up at school, even got 'best dressed' award today at school!  Has a bit of an attitude with me, but it's alot to do with her age, I'm sure (ugh, teenage years around the corner!).  She had a small 'breakdown' at school last week.  Was missing her brother, Kevin.  He passed away October 2nd, 2002.  I hadn't mentioned in here, because I just wasn't sure how to feel.  I miss him, too, tho I know I wouldn't see him today if he was alive.  Same as I don't see her other brother, Matthew.  It's sad, really.  I divorced their father, not them...I feel for Kaitlynne, she remembers enough to know what she's missing.  Kevin would be 20 years old.  20.  I just can't believe that.  Forever a child...

Brandon is doing well.  He does so much everyday, hard to keep up with how much he changes!  He's nearing 20 lbs!  He looks like a one year old!  LOL!  He *talks* to us all the time, it's so precious!  Everyone says what a wonderful baby he is, and we (of course) agree!  So mild-mannered...always smiling...Kaitlynne dotes on him like he's hers!  He's brought us much-needed joy, for certain.  I've put a couple of recent pics up there.

My brother and Petey took off to Missouri for the remainder of the winter (they're backwards...leave Florida to go north in the winter??).  They didn't even say goodbye, just left.  Said their work wasn't paying enough down here, went to get some cash up there.  Oh well...another "family" holiday without the family.

I haven't been feeling well, physically, for a couple of weeks.  Not sure what it is, but hoping it's something as simple as I need to get a bit more exercise (baby weight...ugh).  I'm a tad bit worried...which causes me to be somewhat cranky, but I'm more aware of it now and trying to hold it at bay.  We got a treadmill last weekend from a friend of mine's mom, so that should help.

I've been hunting for more journals on here to read...people who share similar interests, histories, *lives* as myself...any of my lurkers want to share their own ramblings?  LOL!  I have a few I read quite often, but I guess with the holidays, kids, etc...most of us don't have time to sit here much anymore.  Not necessarily a bad thing ;)

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day

Today is National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day!  Seems *odd* to some, I guess, that I (and many other angel parents) would be *excited* about this day, but I am!  It's a huge step forward to having our precious babies recognized and remembered! 

If EVERYone in EVERY time zone lights a candle at 7pm (their own time zone) and keeps it lit for atleast 1 hour, there will be a light burning around the world at all times in honor our angels lost.  Please, light a candle!  For your own loss, loss of a sibling/cousin/nephew/niece/grandchild, loss of your friends' baby...

In memory of our precious angel, Marissa Cheyenne.  You are NEVER forgotten...always in our hearts and minds.  Everytime I look at Brandon, I see you in him.  I know he is a peaceful soul because he has you forever with him.  We love you, and we'll see you on the other side!  Marissa Cheyenne, born Monday, January 31, 2005