That is NOT black cat...

Just a quick update.  We had the celebration for Girl Scouts last Saturday.  My sister-in-law and I volunteered to HELP with our troops booth...ended up we ran it entirely-our troops 'leader' never came back.  Sandra and I just took turns going around to the other booths with our troop so we could get pics with the kids.  At one point, I had to leave our booth unattended because Kaitlynne got very sick.  She was fine afterwards, tho.  I could go into more 'Girl Scout Drama', but I won't...LOL!  She had a good time, for the most part.  I did, too...was fun playing with the other girls.  My friend, Cindy, runs a troop so we got to see her and her daughter, too.

Sunday was apparantly 'zoo day' at our house.  Kaitlynne went outside to play and came back in the house with a damn SNAKE!  Now granted, I like snakes...had them as pets...but I do NOT want her grabbing wild snakes and thinking it's ok!  I got so mad because I was so scared that she had done that...I'm still not positive what kind it was!  Our cat, Butters, had caught it and she went and grabbed it.  It was about a foot long or so (young).  She dropped it by the shoe pile, and it went behind it.  My husband (not-so-much a snake person...lol) called me, so I got it out with the litterbox scoop!  LOL!  Ended well, thank God.  Later that evening, I went out to the back porch and opened the screen door for the cats to come in and eat.  I went back inside, and then back out to the porch to look for something.  Alex asked me which cats were out there eating, so I say, "Butters, the 2 kittens, and black cat".  Just as I say it, what I thought was black cat turned around and it was a possum!  LOL!  I was like Holy Sh*t, there's a possum out here!  I knew we had one (I've seen it out eating in the yard before..and we do live in the sticks, afterall), but not on the porch!  The dang cats were just standing there like nothing!  I'd shew them out the door, and they'd run back in.  Anyway, ended up that we had to move a bunch of stuff off the porch to open the pathway to the door again to get him out.  After doing that, he just walked away (after he had tried to eat my broom and showed me some WICKED looking teeth!).  Of course I had to get a pic ofit first, tho!  All turned out well again, but it was an adventure! 

The rest of the week has been pretty uneventful, I guess...hard to remember all the things that go on :)  I went to the school this a.m. for an IEP meeting I called-I wanted Kaitlynne to start receiving extra services for math.  Luckily, the staff agreed w/out too much fight (hard to schedule it in there when they spend 95% of their day doing required FCAT preperation...I'm still pissed Crist got elected governor-he loves the way the education system is running.  He's obviously an idiot...).  Kaitlynne made me proud today (yet again).  Altho she is struggling so much with math, she has brought her grade up from an F at the beginning of the year, to a C now!  She doesn't know that yet, so I'm going to surprise her with doing something special this weekend with her.  I think we'll go see 'Happy Feet' :)

Anywho, not much else happening.  Did get to talk to my friend, Steph, yesterday (after 2 years of no more then the occasional email).  I hope things work out for her soon...she deserves to be happy and treated like the good person that she is.

Alex is behind me playing with Brandon and saying, "Dear Journal:  I have the greatest husband ever...".  He thinks he's joking, but he's right...I do.  I love you, honey!

I see you in him...

Forgot to mention something.  Kim and I were out today, Brandon stayed home with Daddy for bit, but she had her twins.  I commented on how much Austin looks like her oldest son, Danny.  She agreed, then got quiet for a minute.  She said, "I've never said this to anyone, but I have thought about what if we lost Danny that day in the pool...and then we were to have Austin with him looking just like him...how ironic, or maybe that's not the right word."  I said, "First, thankfully that's not something you need to dwell on.  Secondly, everytime I look at Brandon sleeping, I see Marissa.  She had the same big blue eyes...same little lips...big hands...they could have been twins, too."  She said, "Yes...she was a beautiful girl."  It was all I could do not to cry.  I'm crying now just writing it.  Gone, but never forgotten, babygirl.  We love you more then words can say. 

Trick-or-Treat, Smell my feet...

Hello again, I hope all had a happy and safe Halloween.  Yesterday was busy!  I took a bunch of goodies to Kaitlynne's class and had a small party with them (it was kind of sad...the kids were all so shocked that anyone was doing anything for them...I don't mean as far as the teacher, but that a parent was involved.  Hard to explain, but an odd feeling).  Kaitlynne is good friends with the girl she was having problems with, so that was nice to see.  She was such a goofball while I was there, it was cute.  I checked her out from there so we could go home and start getting her and Brandon ready.  As you can see from the above pics, she turned out SO cute...I can see a glimpse of the woman she'll become...how beautiful she is and will be...wow.  We ran a few errands, stop and saw Grandpa and Nana, then went to Kim's mom's house to meet-up.  We went our usual route, but I was surprised at how many houses weren't participating this year...also heard there weren't as many kids out...really wierd.  The kids had a blast, tho.  Kaitlynne was so tired when we got home, but I had to shower her (lol)...that stuff came right out, surprisingly!

For the most part, I think she's been really trying to be better with me.  The reward/chore chart seems to be working.  She has a "checking" and "savings" account going...earns money, as well as loses it.  I gave her a dollar free-and-clear today as a surprise...told her it was because she was so good last night and hasn't been fighting with me in the mornings.  She was surprised, and politely said thank you.  I asked her if it was nice to earn something...not have to fight with me to try and get it...she agreed.  We tie-dyed some shirts the other day, had a blast with it...we, for once, did something together with no fighting and enjoyed it!   It's a start, and I'll take it :) 

She has an appt next week to start new counseling/psych care.  She's being discharged from her current care (I don't agree with, but they "claim" it's beyond their control), as tho she's "cured".  Anyway...we'll see how this goes.  I have my reservations, but hopefull.

Brandon has another appointment tomorrow for his latest round of the RSV vaccine.  I hate seeing him get a shot, but I know it's worth it in the long run.  He's doing wonderful, he's such a joy...and so big!  Everyone can't wait to hear his current weight/height :)

Quick note to my honey...I love you, thank you for every day we have together as a family!

Take care all...I'm off to read journals (HINT HINT).

Tears in Heaven & Boyz in the Hood

Hello again, people of cyber land.  Just thought I'd stop in, post an update or two. 

Kaitlynne's doing well.  Enjoying Girl Scouts, brought her grades up at school, even got 'best dressed' award today at school!  Has a bit of an attitude with me, but it's alot to do with her age, I'm sure (ugh, teenage years around the corner!).  She had a small 'breakdown' at school last week.  Was missing her brother, Kevin.  He passed away October 2nd, 2002.  I hadn't mentioned in here, because I just wasn't sure how to feel.  I miss him, too, tho I know I wouldn't see him today if he was alive.  Same as I don't see her other brother, Matthew.  It's sad, really.  I divorced their father, not them...I feel for Kaitlynne, she remembers enough to know what she's missing.  Kevin would be 20 years old.  20.  I just can't believe that.  Forever a child...

Brandon is doing well.  He does so much everyday, hard to keep up with how much he changes!  He's nearing 20 lbs!  He looks like a one year old!  LOL!  He *talks* to us all the time, it's so precious!  Everyone says what a wonderful baby he is, and we (of course) agree!  So mild-mannered...always smiling...Kaitlynne dotes on him like he's hers!  He's brought us much-needed joy, for certain.  I've put a couple of recent pics up there.

My brother and Petey took off to Missouri for the remainder of the winter (they're backwards...leave Florida to go north in the winter??).  They didn't even say goodbye, just left.  Said their work wasn't paying enough down here, went to get some cash up there.  Oh well...another "family" holiday without the family.

I haven't been feeling well, physically, for a couple of weeks.  Not sure what it is, but hoping it's something as simple as I need to get a bit more exercise (baby weight...ugh).  I'm a tad bit worried...which causes me to be somewhat cranky, but I'm more aware of it now and trying to hold it at bay.  We got a treadmill last weekend from a friend of mine's mom, so that should help.

I've been hunting for more journals on here to read...people who share similar interests, histories, *lives* as myself...any of my lurkers want to share their own ramblings?  LOL!  I have a few I read quite often, but I guess with the holidays, kids, etc...most of us don't have time to sit here much anymore.  Not necessarily a bad thing ;)

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day

Today is National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day!  Seems *odd* to some, I guess, that I (and many other angel parents) would be *excited* about this day, but I am!  It's a huge step forward to having our precious babies recognized and remembered! 

If EVERYone in EVERY time zone lights a candle at 7pm (their own time zone) and keeps it lit for atleast 1 hour, there will be a light burning around the world at all times in honor our angels lost.  Please, light a candle!  For your own loss, loss of a sibling/cousin/nephew/niece/grandchild, loss of your friends' baby...

In memory of our precious angel, Marissa Cheyenne.  You are NEVER forgotten...always in our hearts and minds.  Everytime I look at Brandon, I see you in him.  I know he is a peaceful soul because he has you forever with him.  We love you, and we'll see you on the other side!  Marissa Cheyenne, born Monday, January 31, 2005

The real "ER"

We had to take Brandon to the ER on Thursday night.  He has typical 'cold-like' symptoms (stuffy/runny nose, cough, low-grade fever, irritable)...but with a baby who has a history of lung disease, it can go to much worse very quickly.  So, for peace of mind if nothing else, we went.  We were there for 3 hours :/  However, it turned out to be well worth the trip.  Brandon is fine (just a cold).  The ER doc ordered him a nebulizer, so I'm sure that will help with his wheezing.  The doc also gave us many names of pediatricians and child psychiatrists for Kaitlynne (she has been discharged from her current care and I'm having a hard time finding people who take her insurance and kids her age).  The referrals are in the next town over, but we actually live a tad closer to that town anyway, so it works.  Monday morning I'll be on the phone, that's for sure!  He was very nice and sympathetic to our situation.  He also didn't treat us badly for bringing in a baby with a mild cold...says it was the best thing we could have done (I told him I'm not super comfortable with the kids' current pediatrician and in the midst of finding a new one).  Seems as tho Daddy and I have caught his cold, too!  He handles it better, tho (Brandon)...he's been so pleasant, considering he doesn't feel well.  He and I went to a friend's house to have a yard sale, and he sat out there with us for hours in his stroller/bouncy seat.  He played, ate, talked to his squeaky fish (88 cents for 3 of these things and he LOVES them...lol)...he's just such a joy.

I've started a new computer-based chore/reward program with Kaitlynne.  She earns points towards prizes (cash, trip to her favorite restaurant, go to see a movie, etc...).  She's been doing it a week now and it seems to be helping some!  I can notice the improvement!  Hopefully we're on the right track to something, for once.

Same ole' same ole' at Alex's work.  After all the drama with he and his father, his father told him in a roundabout way that he (Alex) was right about this youngest brother...and he agrees with having him work the desk as little as possible.  It's about time, is all I say.  However, he should have gone with Alex on this from the beginning instead of what he did...no big surprise on that part, tho.  I think the stress of knowing how things are there for Alex, along with a few other big things going on right now...a bit overwhelming for me.  I've been "out of sorts" the last few days, and I can't pinpoint it on any one thing...so I'm guessing that's it.  I did have a small "breakdown" the on Thursday night.  Alex and I were getting things packed in the car to sell at the yard sale, and I asked him to grab the bassinette we had bought for Marissa that we never used.  I was all gung-ho about selling it (need the space, and we kept the other bassinette for future kids), but as soon as we got it out into the car, I just lost it.  I could remember every single little detail of the day we went to buy it.  I was 34 weeks pregnant and nervous that she had nothing to sleep in when she came home...I had been harassing Alex for a couple of weeks for us to go get something, so we went to this cute consignment shop and got this Noah's Ark bassinette.  I set it in the corner of her nursery with a cute pink sheet, cute pink blanket, with a wall hanging of Pooh and Friends over it.  It might as well have been the day before, it felt like it had just happened.  Alex and I had a small cry together, looked at the little boy coo'ing up at us, and remembered that she brought him to us safely.  Such a big price to pay for a beautiful little boy...

Added a few pics from last night.  I had Brandon in his exersaucer next to me, and he was laughing everytime I popped over with 'peek-a-boo'.  Daddy and I are having a date night (chaperoned by Brandon) tonight.  Kaitlynne got her *prize* for the week by getting Chuck E Cheese on Friday with our friends...and she asked if she could stay over with my mom tonight, so we'll be taking full advantage :)

 

Still here...

Just a quick note to say howdy.  Kaitlynne has a little cold, but doing well.  She's in Girl Scouts and loving it.  She also starts private tutoring next week, which I think will help tremendously.  Had one small misunderstanding at school last week, but luckily the staff talked to me first before overreacting...well, overreacting too much, anyway.

Brandon is just perfect!  He's such a big boy, always smiling, never crabby.  He sleeps 10-12 hours at night!  It's fantastic!  We have his crib in our room...everyone just adores him (and boy he knows it!  He's quite the flirt!).

Things could be better for Alex at work.  His idiot brother prances around bragging that he works 16 hours a week and gets paid salary, and that he's the boss down there (as far as the boss thing...let him think what he wants, who would want to brag about being the boss there??).  The salary part is ridiculous.  When the other front desk person comes back, idiot won't even work...but he'll still get paid...gotta buy the booze and drugs somehow, right?  Just not fair to Alex, who shows up for his 5 shifts clean and sober.  He takes so much shit...it's just not fair.  I wish I could do something about it, but I can't...and he can't either, right now anyway.  A few things going on kind of have us stuck in a rut...hoping that changes in the spring.

Otherwise, everything is good.  Our a/c is still out, but we have a couple of window units in the house keeping it cool until that gets figured out.  Potentially big problems are on the backburner simmering...I just hope they work out before they come to boil.  I think my nervousness is affecting Alex, tho it's not my intention.  I love you, honey...everything will be fine!

Here's a couple pics from today...kids and I went for a walk tonight after dinner, it's finally cooling off some outside.  I was goofing off with the effects on the software...lol!  Hope all are well.