Fixed...and broken...

I got a call yesterday from my "contact" from the insurance company that all had been fixed (heard that a million times before)...however, this time it really is fixed.  I go to my appt tomorrow, which is good because I'm sick as a dog and having pains that worry me.  But..it's fixed.

Rest of my day has been...humiliatingly hurtful and I won't go into it cuz I'm embarrassed to admit I mean so little...that the things I hold dearly are important only in my head.  The entrance to my heart used to be a priviledge when I was younger.  Then somewhere along the way it turned into simply a right, nothing that had to be earned, it was just given.  Well, no one cares about 'rights'. Rights are taken for granted...abused.  The pain is worse than a punch in the stomach..but who cares.  It's a right to do these things.  I'm a business arrangement...a doormat.  No point in making this longer...I could talk until I'm blue in the face, dehydrated from the tears cried...and my voice, my feelings..go unheard.  I've taken a number in the line of many.  I'm done.  I'm broken.

Yep

I've got a cold, my insurance is still screwed up so I have no idea who I can see now and who I can't, and the past is repeating itself in other areas.  Endless lies that hurt only me...same shit, different day.  Sorry it's not an uplifting post...guess I'm just not feeling it today...or yesterday...or maybe even tomorrow.  Screw it.

No, I didn't forget...I'll never forget...

I told everyone you went this year as an angelgirl...you'll go every year as an angelgirl.  Forever pure...innocent.  I know you were with me tonight, you're always with me when I'm in a situation that would normally be hard and remind me that I don't have you in my arms.  You always remind me I have you in my heart.  I would have loved to have had a picture of you on here, all dolled up...but there's no camera on earth that could capture the beauty God has given you now.  We love you, Marissa.  "See you on the other side"

Happy Halloweenie!

Haven't updated in a few days...let's see, last Thursday we FINALLY got rid of our Impala and got a '04 Explorer Sport-trac..pretty damn spiffy! 

Kait's homeschooling is going along pretty well--and I'm getting a bit more encouragement now that some have noticed how much calmer and relaxed she seems.  She gives me no trouble with it, either.  So far, so good.

Kait and I went to Tina's for a few today so they could see her dressed up for Halloween (she was a Cheetah girl).  We then went out trick-or-treating with Kim and her crew, her 2 sisters, and a couple of their kids.  Was a good time, tho we got started a bit late (babies had to be fed).

Anywho, I'm puttin pics in this entry, too.  They're of our home, land, new vehicle, Kait in her cheetah outfit, our kitties (all 3 of em) sleepin on the chair in the computer room, the babies (baldie is Austin, hairy is Josh..LOL), and a pic of Kim's mom cat that had his head stuck in a cup on the counter..LOL.

That's enough for tonight..I'm really tired.  Say a little prayer for when I call the doc tomorrow mornin to see if the insurance is FINALLY fixed as EVERYONE is promising me.  If not, I have to go to Shands in G'ville..and I really don't want to if I can help it.  G'nighters all, stay safe.

Lights, Rides, but no Luka

We went to the carnival today.  Had quite a bit of fun, but I forgot my camera :(  We went with Kim, Donald, her 4 kiddos, her 2 sisters, and 3 of their kids (plus 2 neighbor kids, AND Alex's brother and his kid..real crowd..LOL).  I felt so bad while I was there, hard to enjoy anything.  Lot of back pain and cramping on one side (wasn't something I thought was m/c related, tho...will talk about that in a sec).  I made a HUGE breakthrough today--I held the babies!  I saw one of them was waking up...and I leaned over and asked Kim if I could hold him.  She kinda looked shocked, asked if I was sure I wanted to, I said sure.  So, I held him..and fed him.  Held the other little man after that.  It was surprising, because it didn't depress me at all...they're so precious.  I'm a little saddened now, thinking back on it...but I know my little ones were there with me, helping me to enjoy my time with them.  Above is a pic of Kaitlynne's face painting-it was so cool out today I got it for her cuz I knew it wouldn't melt.  I wish I had had the camera...get some more pics of everyone later, tho.

Anywho, the pain I've been having...all kind of off and on for a few weeks now, but this pain in the side...it stayed for 3 days.  Alex and I finally decided to go to the ER (I wasn't sure if I was just..uhm.."backed up"..gross, sorry..a very high threshold to pain prevented me from thinking too much of it until then..I was concerned, but not enough to go.), which was right next to the carnival..  When I get back there, I tell them I think it might be a UTI or something.  The symptoms were SO different then I've ever had, but it was all I could think of to cause that kind of cramping and lower back pain.  So, they tested my urine first.  4+ for protein..severe UTI.  So, they gave me a shot of antibiotics in my rearend (the padding didn't stop that from hurting a little bit..LOL), and a script for pills (same pills I was on for the last 4 months of my pregnancy w/ Marissa to prevent getting these things).  I'm hopin to feel good as new soon.  When we were leavin, we saw ambulances and cops everywhere in the parking lot we were in...we asked a cop what happened, he said some woman (found out later diabetic) lost control of her car, it came down backwards from the incline at the ER, across the street backwards, and into the parking lot, finally crashing into a minivan that was parked there.  Thank GOD no one was walking across the street-never would have seen her coming.  She was ok, probably a sore back/neck.  Guy came out from the ER to see his van-think your day's going bad enough then that!  We had to sit and watch for awhile cuz we were blocked in the parking lot.

Anywho, guess that's about it.  Homeschooling Kait, so far, is going pretty well.  I'm still scared and doubting myself so much-but I try to keep in mind WHY I'm doing it-it's all for her.  Tomorrow, all public/private schools are closed due to Wilma heading this way..told Kait she still has school, tho..LOL.

October 15th

Today, October 15th, is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness day.  Please take a moment to visit the website below to see how you can help!  Also, please light a candle at 7pm (eastern) in rememberance of all little souls lost. 

~For our Marissa and her little brother/sister~

Lighting a candle may not seem like much to some, but to us, it reminds us everyday that altho you all aren't with us in body, your spirit is always near.  We know you both are watching over this little one we're trying so hard to bring into the world-and we thank you.  Losing you both has been the hardest thing we've ever had to go thru on an every-day basis, but it showed us how wonderful and caring people really can be.  We love you, little ones..and miss you..."See you on the other side"

Remembering Our Babies - Official Site of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Rememberance Day October 15th

Pics from Halloween Horror Nights

Here's some pics from Halloween Horror Nights..unfortnately, not all my really cool ones turned out (damn flash), so I'll get those from my brother.

Pic 1)  Alex and I in front of Margaritaville, with Hard Rock Cafe behind us.

Pic 2)  Alex and I in front of the #8 car/Nascar Cafe.

Pic 3)  Scott starting "Happy Hour"

Pic 4)  Petey, still claiming to be "designated driver"

Pic 5)  Me filming you filming me...

Pic 6)  Alex showing patience waiting to get in to Universal..

Pic 7)  Scott going thru the metal-detector (we were all so sure Petey's "piercings" would set the thing off, but they didn't..)..Les is on the right (their friend from Missouri)

Pic 8)  One of the 'creatures' wandering the park..

Pic 9)  The guys headin for The Hulk ride..I was designated stuff-holder

Pic 10)  This beyotch rocked!  They had cage gals all along this one section of the park shakin their thing above us all...this gal got down and posed for me.  Petey got jealous, had to go back until she posed for him, too..LOL

Pic 11)  Scott assuring his buzz will live on...he got so trashed...

Pic 12)  Petey 2 margarita's later saying "We don't have to leave for hours, a couple drinks won't hurt"  <hiccup> LOL

Pic 13)  They had this laser going across one huge section of the park with smoke and all...I'm surprised it showed up in a pic, but it looked awesome...

Pic 14)  This is the Goth-Queen...we followed her bat-cycle and got her to pose with us for a close-up pic.

I'll have more pics later when my brother emails his...that's it for tonight, just a quick update.  Oh, DSL is FINALLY workin...WHOOP!