As requested...an update :)

Didn't realize it had been a little bit since I've updated (so sorry y'all...lol).  We're all doing well :)  Brandon is such a precious, mellow little man!  Kaitlynne loves bragging on him everywhere we go.  Breastfeeding is going great...I started pumping to feed him in public-which I know makes Daddy feel good-now he can feed him, too.

My dad has been emailing alot more lately...even sent me some pics of a cruise he and his wife went on last September (I haven't seen my dad in nearly 8 years, only communicated via phone, letters, email).  He looks older (obviously), but still pretty good.

I'm not sure what's going on with my brother.  Nothing since that phone call last week, even tho I've tried calling him several times.  At first I was angry that he's apparantly abandoned us and is showing no interest in his new nephew...now I'm just worried-things just don't seem to be quite *right*.

We went to Orlando yesterday to see a friend of Alex's who is down on vacation with his parents.  I won't lie-his friend was a bit of a jerk (tho I know why he was and I feel sorry for him, sort of), but his parents were lovely people.  They don't have grandchildren (tho they obviously want them badly), so they latched on to Kait and Brandon.  I'll have a few pics from them above.

Tomorrow is speech, then we're meeting Kim and Donald and their crew at Chuck E Cheese--I know Kait will have a blast, and she's earned it.  She was really good last night in Orlando, and we were there late late late.

Can't think of much else to say, so I'll end it for now.  Take care and lovin's.

WTGrow Brandon!

I've been feeling better (thank you to all the comments/emails...y'all rock!), and things are starting to 'settle down'.  Brandon is a wonderful little man, good eater, great sleeper, so much personality already.  Kaitlynne is having some jealousy issues, but she also brags on him quite a bit...she'll be ok, I know it :)

Brandon had his 2-week check-up yesterday and he's doing wonderful!  Had his first vaccination (traumatizing for me...lol), and he gained 9 oz since last Monday!  Wtgrow little man, and go mommy's milk!  He also added on 3/4 of an inch (he's long and skinny...lol).  He donned his first cloth diaper yesterday (he looked SO cute...pics above).  Even the ever-skeptic daddy couldn't help but smile at his cute little posterior!

Somethings going on with my brother and Pete...I'm not sure what, and at first I was angry about it...now I'm just really worried.  All I can do is pray for them now and hope whatever it is, gets resolved soon.  My mom is doing pretty well.  There are some possible life-altering changes that might be happening soon for all of us (no, I'm not sharing them here...atleast not until I know if it's all going to happen or not) that has us all preoccupied.

I guess that's about it for updates...I promised pics, so here they are :)

PPD, not severe enough to call Tom Cruise for help.

Everything is going well :)  Brandon had his follow-up at his pediatrician yesterday, and got a clean bill of health!  He still has a bit of jaundice, but doc said it will go away with the breastfeeding and putting him in the light via window.  His lungs are clear (what we both were hoping to hear), and he's back up to his birthweight (excellent news...mommy's milk is definitely working it's wonders).  He's such a calm little man...he has some confusion over days/nights, but doesn't cry at night, just doesn't want to go to sleep, either...lol.  We're working on it, tho...I've been trying to keep him awake (quite a task in itself) a little more during the evening. 

I had thought I might have escaped the PPD blues, but it looks like I was wrong.  It's certainly not bad...nothing at all to do with the baby, or Kaitlynne...it's Alex.  I guess because the last week was sooooo overwhelming (physically and emotionally), it's been hard to find the time to exhale.  Having Alex here with me made it all ok...he held my hand, kissed me, cried with me, told me everything would be ok...and it is.  So, it's been very hard when he leaves for work now.  Hard on him because he wants to spend time with Brandon, hard on me because I want him to have that, as well as just be here with me.  I cry when he leaves, tho I really try hard not to, because I don't want to make it harder on him than it is...but I just can't stop myself. 

I love you, Alex.  You're my best friend, without a doubt.  You're the loving father to my daughter when her own disappeared, and you've given me 2 beautiful children.   Thank you...for everything.

Better then I even thought it could be...

After a long, terrorifying rollercoaster ride...our family is now home! 

We got to the hospital to visit him yesterday, and the nurse said that the only hurdle left was to see him feed for 24 hours (up to that point, he had been fed via tubes).  They said they could give him my milk via bottle, or I could stay overnight.  We stayed.  They gave us a small room to stay in, but I was in too much pain, so Alex stayed in there, I stayed at bedside in a recliner.  Brandon is a champion breastfeeder!  We had a fantastic nurse last night who totally promoted bf'ing, and made it all so much easier.  So, tho one doctor didn't want to d/c him until he was back up to birthweight, they did let us go home this evening.  I swore I would take him to his pediatrician first thing Monday morning no matter what (we're going to just show up..he's a good guy, he'll see him) to ensure he's gaining weight ok and that his jaundice doesn't worsen (only slight right now-not enough for the lights). 

Kaitlynne just stares at him and smiles...makes my heart melt to see my big "baby" in love with the little baby.  Daddy's eyes seem to well-up everytime he looks at his son, and me...I don't have words for any of it.  I feel blessed that our son got to come home when so many little ones in there won't.  I feel overwhelmed with love for my family.  I feel sadness, yet appreciation to Marissa...without her and without losing her, her little brother wouldn't be here (I'm actually having a bit of a hard time finding the balance here...I'm told it's "normal" to feel this way, tho...).

Alex's dad came to our house not 5 minutes after we got here to finally meet his newest grandson (and little look-a-like..lol).  Everything is wonderful...I pray this feeling, our health and blessings, remain forever.  Thank you to all of you who have prayed for this day-we can never find the words to tell you what it's meant to us.

I'm off for now...happy to say that I just don't have the time nor energy to visit here quite as much :)

Quick update

Just a quick update.  We spent the day at the hospital with our precious man, and it was good news today :)  He has been off any added oxygen for over 24 hours now!  We tried to breastfeed today, but he wasn't really into just yet (his nurse and I agree that it has alot to do with the fact he's getting IV fluids-making him feel fuller, and just so many cords attached, it was very hard to get a comfortable position).  She spoke to his doctor, tho, and he agreed that if Brandon is able to digest his milk well (he's getting my pumped milk via a feeding tube) after 2 feedings, they'll remove his umbilical IV!  We're hoping that by tomorrow, Brandon will be in the stepdown unit of the NICU, and hopefully home by Mother's Day!  Who could ask for a better gift?!

Kaitlynne and my mom came up to visit and see Brandon for the first time...Kaitlynne was just adorable.  She was afraid to touch him with all the wires coming out, but when she spoke to him, he opened his eyes and just gazed at her!  She went running out into the waiting room and told Alex and my mom that "he kept looking at her"...LOL!  My mom, of course, was in love...and what's not to love, he's just perfect, like his sisters.  I have pictures of them together, but don't have the camera in the house...I'll post them soon.

I want to thank everyone for the TONS of emails/posts/messages/text messages/phone calls we've received regarding well wishes for our family.  It's so overwhelmingly awesome to know your babies have touched so many lives, and you all have done the same for us!

To Natalie...you'll be happy to know I've removed GTT from my list of boards.  For you to attack me, my children, my family in general at such a time...I just don't want to be around such a pathetically miserable person.  There's a special place in hell for you, so please feel free to continue on your path...kharma will come back on you. 

We're blessed!

I might miss a few details because I'm tired, but here's what I can think of now :)

 

I had my csection Monday morning (I had one small nervous breakdown as they did the spinal, but all went smoothly), and our littlest man was born at 7:57am.  His Apgars were 9/9 (great news), and he weighed in at 7lbs 5oz (huge for a baby nearly a month early), and 19 1/4 inches long.  His name is Brandon (ok it was Sebastian before he was born, but he doesn't look like a Sebastian..lol) Mateo (means "gift from God" in Spanish) Thomas (for my dad/brother/grandfather/uncle) and our last name. 

 

I was able to hold and attempt to nurse him in recovery, but he had to go to the nursery for his overall inspection.  I later went to my room, where my mom and Kaitlynne, as well as Kim (my best friend) and her twins, were waiting.  We all talked and goofed, and finally after a few hours I asked Alex to go to the nursery to see if he could get Brandon and bring him back up.  Alex came back empty-handed and said the nurse would call me.  My mouth (and heart) dropped.  Kim had to go to get her other kids and my mom and Kaitlynne said they'd come back a little later. 

 

About 10 minutes after they left, the neonatologist (sp?) came in and said Brandon was having trouble breathing on his own, and was being put on a vent and flown out to a hospital nearly an hour away.  I had no idea what to say, as I was sure he was fine..his apgars were so good, I heard him screaming...I just started bawling.  Alex, as always, was my rock...he cried as well.  "Why" and "Not fair" were said a lot.  They brought the baby up (already on a vent) so we could say goodbye.  We put a little blue teddy/blanket in with him that Kim had gotten him, and sent our son, whom we had only seen/held for 20 minutes, away.

 

My doctor came in the next dayand said he'd release me that day (24 hours post-section) if that's what we wanted (so we could go to the hospital).  As much as we wanted to be with him, I was NOT ready to be released.  So, we waited until today (and I had gotten up/moving around).  He released me (I'm doing pretty well, considering), and we headed straight to the hospital in the next town.  Brandon is off the oxygen (or was when we left him), tho the nurse said he might have to go back on a canula for a bit to help regulate his oxidation.  He has a feeding tube in his mouth (his respirations are so fast that he wouldn't be able to eat from the breast/bottle and digest it properly), but I've been pumping, so he's now eating mommy's goodies.  He's a bit jaundice today, so we were told to expect him to be under the bili-lights tomorrow.  He also has a line in his stomach so they can get his blood when needed w/out constantly sticking him...this is a great thing, but it prevented us from holding him.  We rubbed him, cried together (tho happy tears...so many other babies in there were so much worse)...Alex's brother came up to visit, and then Alex and I went back in.  At this time, the nurse had just finished her assessment of him and laid him on his belly.  He started crying...then louder, like in pain.  I cried so hard with him, feeling so helpless because I couldn't pick up my baby...hold him so he knew he wasn't alone.  The nurse came over, whispered "Screw this", and securely wrapped Brandon up with several blankets and taped all of his tubes to my leg, and I got to rock my son for the first time since his birth 2 days ago.  He fell asleep immediately, and his vitals were fantastic the entire time.  It was fabulous, for all 3 of us.  She took him and put him back in bed after 20 minutes or so, and we said we'd be back in the morning (I was hurting so badly by then and didn't want to hurt myself seriously by pushing it).

 

So that is where we're at now.  We were told that the line in his stomach should be removed (if all is well) in the next day or so.  Although no dates were mentioned at all, I think it won't be before next week until he comes home.  I'm good knowing he's close (the hospital was far from where I was, but close to our home), and that he's in perfect hands...I also feel good knowing that God is holding him close, his angel sister is caressing his hair, and hundreds pray for him daily.  He is loved beyond words, by many. 

 

I remember saying I was tired and this would be short...LOL!  I'll post a pic or two on my profile, tho I have quite a few pics already..lol.  Thank you to everyone!

Life, as we know it, is about to change

So, less then 24 hours from now we'll be holding our son...it's all so surreal, and we're both terrorified to be this close.  We've been preparing the last minute preps and discussing names (pretty sure we have one, but we're not telling until he's born *smile*).  We're taking Kaitlynne to my mom's this evening, then going to dinner, then we're going to stay at the hotel since we have to be at the hospital so early in the morning.  I've received SO many emails/IM's/ecards from you all wishing us well and sending prayers, and we can't thank you enough.  Kaitlynne can't wait to see her brother, Daddy to hold his son, and Mommy to see/hold a healthy little one and to finally exhale.  Pictures and updates will be here when we get back, unless you know who I'm sending these to early, then you'll know before hand...lol.  *hugs and lovin's* 

Monday is the day!!

It's been a crazy few days!  My sugars are ok sometimes, not ok other times.  We had our appt this past Wedn with our OB, and he decided that (with the sugars and our history) Monday morning is it!  We've had u/s's and nst's to check baby out all week, and he (yes HE) is great!  He showed us ALL the goods today (and we didn't even want to know, but there was NO denying that!) LOL!  We'll be having our csection at 730am, updates will be made later in the week, or you can check around the message boards...

*Hugs* and keep the prayers coming!  Thank you all!