No, I didn't forget...I'll never forget...

I told everyone you went this year as an angelgirl...you'll go every year as an angelgirl.  Forever pure...innocent.  I know you were with me tonight, you're always with me when I'm in a situation that would normally be hard and remind me that I don't have you in my arms.  You always remind me I have you in my heart.  I would have loved to have had a picture of you on here, all dolled up...but there's no camera on earth that could capture the beauty God has given you now.  We love you, Marissa.  "See you on the other side"

Happy Halloweenie!

Haven't updated in a few days...let's see, last Thursday we FINALLY got rid of our Impala and got a '04 Explorer Sport-trac..pretty damn spiffy! 

Kait's homeschooling is going along pretty well--and I'm getting a bit more encouragement now that some have noticed how much calmer and relaxed she seems.  She gives me no trouble with it, either.  So far, so good.

Kait and I went to Tina's for a few today so they could see her dressed up for Halloween (she was a Cheetah girl).  We then went out trick-or-treating with Kim and her crew, her 2 sisters, and a couple of their kids.  Was a good time, tho we got started a bit late (babies had to be fed).

Anywho, I'm puttin pics in this entry, too.  They're of our home, land, new vehicle, Kait in her cheetah outfit, our kitties (all 3 of em) sleepin on the chair in the computer room, the babies (baldie is Austin, hairy is Josh..LOL), and a pic of Kim's mom cat that had his head stuck in a cup on the counter..LOL.

That's enough for tonight..I'm really tired.  Say a little prayer for when I call the doc tomorrow mornin to see if the insurance is FINALLY fixed as EVERYONE is promising me.  If not, I have to go to Shands in G'ville..and I really don't want to if I can help it.  G'nighters all, stay safe.

Lights, Rides, but no Luka

We went to the carnival today.  Had quite a bit of fun, but I forgot my camera :(  We went with Kim, Donald, her 4 kiddos, her 2 sisters, and 3 of their kids (plus 2 neighbor kids, AND Alex's brother and his kid..real crowd..LOL).  I felt so bad while I was there, hard to enjoy anything.  Lot of back pain and cramping on one side (wasn't something I thought was m/c related, tho...will talk about that in a sec).  I made a HUGE breakthrough today--I held the babies!  I saw one of them was waking up...and I leaned over and asked Kim if I could hold him.  She kinda looked shocked, asked if I was sure I wanted to, I said sure.  So, I held him..and fed him.  Held the other little man after that.  It was surprising, because it didn't depress me at all...they're so precious.  I'm a little saddened now, thinking back on it...but I know my little ones were there with me, helping me to enjoy my time with them.  Above is a pic of Kaitlynne's face painting-it was so cool out today I got it for her cuz I knew it wouldn't melt.  I wish I had had the camera...get some more pics of everyone later, tho.

Anywho, the pain I've been having...all kind of off and on for a few weeks now, but this pain in the side...it stayed for 3 days.  Alex and I finally decided to go to the ER (I wasn't sure if I was just..uhm.."backed up"..gross, sorry..a very high threshold to pain prevented me from thinking too much of it until then..I was concerned, but not enough to go.), which was right next to the carnival..  When I get back there, I tell them I think it might be a UTI or something.  The symptoms were SO different then I've ever had, but it was all I could think of to cause that kind of cramping and lower back pain.  So, they tested my urine first.  4+ for protein..severe UTI.  So, they gave me a shot of antibiotics in my rearend (the padding didn't stop that from hurting a little bit..LOL), and a script for pills (same pills I was on for the last 4 months of my pregnancy w/ Marissa to prevent getting these things).  I'm hopin to feel good as new soon.  When we were leavin, we saw ambulances and cops everywhere in the parking lot we were in...we asked a cop what happened, he said some woman (found out later diabetic) lost control of her car, it came down backwards from the incline at the ER, across the street backwards, and into the parking lot, finally crashing into a minivan that was parked there.  Thank GOD no one was walking across the street-never would have seen her coming.  She was ok, probably a sore back/neck.  Guy came out from the ER to see his van-think your day's going bad enough then that!  We had to sit and watch for awhile cuz we were blocked in the parking lot.

Anywho, guess that's about it.  Homeschooling Kait, so far, is going pretty well.  I'm still scared and doubting myself so much-but I try to keep in mind WHY I'm doing it-it's all for her.  Tomorrow, all public/private schools are closed due to Wilma heading this way..told Kait she still has school, tho..LOL.

October 15th

Today, October 15th, is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness day.  Please take a moment to visit the website below to see how you can help!  Also, please light a candle at 7pm (eastern) in rememberance of all little souls lost. 

~For our Marissa and her little brother/sister~

Lighting a candle may not seem like much to some, but to us, it reminds us everyday that altho you all aren't with us in body, your spirit is always near.  We know you both are watching over this little one we're trying so hard to bring into the world-and we thank you.  Losing you both has been the hardest thing we've ever had to go thru on an every-day basis, but it showed us how wonderful and caring people really can be.  We love you, little ones..and miss you..."See you on the other side"

Remembering Our Babies - Official Site of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Rememberance Day October 15th

Pics from Halloween Horror Nights

Here's some pics from Halloween Horror Nights..unfortnately, not all my really cool ones turned out (damn flash), so I'll get those from my brother.

Pic 1)  Alex and I in front of Margaritaville, with Hard Rock Cafe behind us.

Pic 2)  Alex and I in front of the #8 car/Nascar Cafe.

Pic 3)  Scott starting "Happy Hour"

Pic 4)  Petey, still claiming to be "designated driver"

Pic 5)  Me filming you filming me...

Pic 6)  Alex showing patience waiting to get in to Universal..

Pic 7)  Scott going thru the metal-detector (we were all so sure Petey's "piercings" would set the thing off, but they didn't..)..Les is on the right (their friend from Missouri)

Pic 8)  One of the 'creatures' wandering the park..

Pic 9)  The guys headin for The Hulk ride..I was designated stuff-holder

Pic 10)  This beyotch rocked!  They had cage gals all along this one section of the park shakin their thing above us all...this gal got down and posed for me.  Petey got jealous, had to go back until she posed for him, too..LOL

Pic 11)  Scott assuring his buzz will live on...he got so trashed...

Pic 12)  Petey 2 margarita's later saying "We don't have to leave for hours, a couple drinks won't hurt"  <hiccup> LOL

Pic 13)  They had this laser going across one huge section of the park with smoke and all...I'm surprised it showed up in a pic, but it looked awesome...

Pic 14)  This is the Goth-Queen...we followed her bat-cycle and got her to pose with us for a close-up pic.

I'll have more pics later when my brother emails his...that's it for tonight, just a quick update.  Oh, DSL is FINALLY workin...WHOOP!

The good news..and the great news :)

Well, as of yesterday, I'm officially divorced!  Only took me 2 years..LOL.  Larry didn't show (of course), which is good-get it done quick.  We had a good time at Halloween Horror Nights..it was hot during the afternoon at Downtown Disney, but got ok after that.  Wasn't as scary as I had hoped for, but was still fun.  I road the Jurassic Park water ride thing..that was really neat.  Other than that, I was the official 'wallet/loose objects' holder for the rest of them.

On to the other news *smile*.  We went down to get the ultrasound today.  I couldn't keep my bladder full for the tech, and had to go to the restroom before she called me back.  She was snotty saying she'd never see anything now, but "it's not your fault", she said *eyeroll*.  So, I lay on the table, staring at the wall (too scared to look at the monitor).  She tries the regular u/s first...she sighs and says, "I can't see anything, look at the monitor, can you see anything???" I look, and really start to freak out then...and I'm just about to cry, cuz I think she's telling me there's nothing to see (like last time).  We end up doing the transvaginal u/s, at which point she finally says, "Ok, I got it"..and tells me after that she's talking about the heartbeat...I remember saying, "Oh thank God" and really started crying then...she turned the monitor to me and showed me the little heart just fluttering away.  Beating at 121bpm, and I'm measuring 6 weeks, 4 days (just one day off the date from my period).  We're so happy, seeing the heartbeat is a huge obstacle to overcome!  *hugs* to my friends who were out there praying hard-the man upstairs took note! 

What does 7,327 mean to you?

I talked to Kim..poor thing started crying on the phone, I asked her what was wrong, she said one of her days..I said is everyone ok?  She said yes..I said then cry away, I know the feeling.  When she could talk, she just said she didn't realize how much she'd miss having an adult to talk to (tho it didn't bother her when she was preggo to be alone)...or how much she'd miss being able to get up and go out (I told her she'd be just fine in a couple of weeks when the babies could go out safely and she had the hang of it all).  Normal post-partum stuff, just times two..lol.  I told her I'd go spend a day w/ her like next week or something while the kids were in school.

We're goin to Halloween Horror Nights this Sunday.  Will be Alex and I, his brother Nick, and my brother and Pete., and a friend of their's from Missouri who's comin to visit.  I know Alex is excited, he didn't get to go last year-kind of a celebration for the DIVORCE BEING FINAL THIS COMING MONDAY...WHOOOOOOP! 

Ok, and for today's final and big announcement...some of you cyberfolks know already, but I had been waiting for any kind of news before I wrote it in here...the number for today...7,327...what does it mean to you?  To me, it means I'm am happily and healthy (thus far) at 6 weeks pregnant...that's my HCG level from Monday (nurse called today..I started crying cuz it's the first good news that OB's office has ever given me).  Ultrasound is scheduled for next week just to make sure all is well, but she said my number is great....one more small hurdle overcome.  Day-by-day...I can't visualize a happy ending..I can't visualize and ending, period, but I'm atleast a tiny bit hopeful...that's a start, right?