One Step Closer to Forever...

I got my affidavit from the newspaper-it's been a quick 4 weeks.  I completed the online course required.  We're one step closer to forever, honey...I love you!

I found out something today about someone I thought I *knew*, that I cared about, who helped me thru a very hard time.  I care about this person a great deal and always will for what they did for me, but what I found out today..is disturbing, and depressing.  I'm...disappointed in the person.  I know why what was done, was done..but that doesn't make it any less wrong..so very wrong.  I wish this person the best, of course...happiness and health...just isn't the person I thought I knew, I guess.  Or the *want* was too great, did what they had to do..I don't know.  Probably never will, either. 

Head Explosion

Just don't write in this thing as much as I used to...maybe when the hours change at work, I'll find the want to do it..to do anything, really.  Packing, changing all our bills over, etc...such a hassle and it's looming overhead...BUT, I'm so thankful we have a home to be in now, and one to go to.  Poor people in the destruction path from the hurricane...I feel so badly for them.  Then the asshole looters are out-like people haven't lost enough, these 'people' are taking what's left.  There's a special place in hell for them, I guarantee it.  Alex gave ideas on what he wanted for my engagement ring and our wedding bands..we picked out what we want-it's beautiful, he did good...but I never doubted he would.  *I love you, honey*

Well, we didn't get pregnant last go-round.  I figure it's the stress of our schedules and everything going on.  Not a whole lot of time or energy for lovin' from either one of us as of late.  I obsessed last month, too...I was so upset when the hag showed, I was so sure I was...felt betrayed by my body yet again.  To top it off, I made that whole day complete by packing up the baby's room.  Everything had been left untouched for months...it hurt badly to pack it up.  To put our daughter's ashes wrapped so gently in a box...no one should have to do this, live w/ this kind of pain everyday...

All's quiet...

It's official, Alex's dad has bought the property.  7 acres in a smalltown outside where we are now.  His brother has already moved out, we'll be moving out in of September.  Be so nice to not have to pay any rent anymore...a place of our own.  We're planning the wedding for November 19th.  We're both excited, after all we've been thru, and sometimes still go thru, I know he's *the one*.  No one can touch what we have together;  I love him more every day, as does Kaitlynne.

I changed positions at work, so in 2 weeks I'll be working only Monday and Friday, making a little more money than I was parttime.  Only problem is I did this not knowing we were moving yet, so the place I'm going to be working is about on the other side of the world from where we're moving.  I guess it'll be ok for now, only 2 days a week.  Mom's keeping Kait after school on those days-hopefully she won't change her mind when we move...it's really not much further for her than where we live now.

I did go to my friend's babyshower, and went alone.  It was hard, won't lie...but not as hard as I thought it was.  When I knew I had to leave, I made my quick exit..period.  She also got a new house, I went out and saw it a few days ago...really nice, but pretty much had to do my quick exit after I got the detailed tour of the nursery.  She's 33 weeks now, tho, and all are well-and that's what's important.  They already talk to me about going to the hospital when she has them-and the thought makes me want to cry-I don't know if I can do it...we'll see.

Anyway, guess that's it for now.  I'm having a melancholy-sort of day...but it's early, hoping that will all change as the day progresses.

8 years ago today...

I gave birth to the most amazing little girl.  Kaitlynne is 8 years old, I can't hardly believe it.  We went to Denny's (her choice) with a couple friends and my mom...other friend's didn't come so neither did their kids, which really bummed Kaitlynne out (which pissed me off, but I kept the cool).  She ended up having a great time, we had a really wonderful server.  Kaitlynne passed out her birthday cake to us all (she gave me mine first cuz I was her mommy, she said), then passed it out to all the servers that came back to sing to her.

Happy Birthday my precious girl, may I always see that light in your eyes and smile on your beautiful face for many birthdays to come.  I love you!